These twists and turns.

photo cred: rickandridgephotography

It’s such a long time since I wrote.

I got lost in all of it, in life and going by the motions.

I wish I could say I’ve got it together, I mean after all this time I should have something together, right?

But, this being a christian thing, the whole being human thing. It’s hard. Individually hard and then you  put them together and it’s a whole new set of challenges.

I know a lot of people who seem to have it down. The whole living by faith thing, and career thing. I know appearances are deceiving especially in this world we live in today with photoshop and looking good for the cameras.

It’s really frustrating though, so I come here and I read something I wrote, and the pain I’ve been in before and remember that it all passes and it’ll be okay. It has to be okay. So I stop comparing myself to other people, and how far they appear to have come, or how strong their faith looks compared to mine.

But, it’s still really difficult sometimes living the day by day. On days like today when i’m feeling empty, feeling lost, feeling disconnected, and weak in faith.

He says joy comes in the morning, He says all things work together for my good, so I have to believe it will all be okay.

It’s hard, it really is, and if i’m completely honest, I may not make it easy for myself sometimes but i’m trying.

 

God, help me live by faith. Give me the strength and wisdom to walk the path and trust You have it all under control. Amen.

 

Time to prove my trust.

I punish myself a lot for my mistakes. Always beating myself up for all the wrong things I’ve done. And I realize now, how that contradicts my claim to His grace.
I claim to believe that He forgave me, I claim to believe that His mercies are new every morning, yet here I am punishing myself for what has been wiped clean. It’s so funny how clearly I see it now. Every action I place in the name of self correction, is an action against trust in Him. How can I say I trust him when my deeds say I don’t believe I’m forgiven. When I’m constantly working to earn my redemption, like I don’t trust it was already given freely on the cross.

Mope much?

In my moments of woe is me, I came across the verses quoted below. God has a sense of humor. There’s nothing i’m more certain of than that. I have been questioning a lot of my life over and over, trying to figure out why?! but, I am now reminded of all the other times God has come through for me, in small ways, and big ways but still I question Him.

But who are you, O man, to answer back to God? Will what is molded say to its molder, “Why have you made me like this?” Has the potter no right over the clay, to make out of the same lump one vessel for honorable use and another for dishonorable use? What if God, desiring to show his wrath and to make known his power, has endured with much patience vessels of wrath prepared for destruction, in order to make known the riches of his glory for vessels of mercy, which he has prepared beforehand for glory—even us whom he has called, not from the Jews only but also from the Gentiles? As indeed he says in Hosea, “Those who were not my people I will call ‘my people,’ and her who was not beloved I will call ‘beloved.’”

(Romans 9:20-25 ESV)

 

God is good, He has promised that He has it all planned out of our good, so why should we sit around and mop about all the things that are not working out? He is God, He created us, He has it all under control. So chill, breathe and enjoy the positive. Give the best you can in everything you have and stop focusing on everything that’s not working.

He has it covered.

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.

(John 14:27 ESV)

May my heart one day dance.

I had not realized just how long it has been since I was on this page. I took a little break. To be honest I chose a path that had me spiraling toward the opposite direction. It all worked out for my good as He has promised, but my life is hardly perfect.

It’s very hard to believe everything the bible says about our life sometimes. I understand that the bible doesn’t promise a perfect happy life, but I don’t remember a part where it says I have to drown in darkness and pain for months, come out out triumphant only to be thrown back deeper. I walk around life with joy, gladness, a smile permanently plastered on my face, but my heart is far from what the world perceives my life to be.

I am grateful for the life I have been given. Grateful for person I am, I am not complaining. I just wish I could be filled with exuberance.

I want my heart to dance.

Darkness.

A lot has happened since the last time I posted. I drew away from God, found my stability back in him and just got in a whole big mess in terms of my life and my emotional/mental health.

Now, I’m back in a good place. Well, with God at least but to be honest, my life has never felt more pointless. I’m sitting here, blessed and in this amazing new situation that everyone around me is screaming jealousy and “oh my you’re living my dream”, blah blah.. but here I am. feeling completely lost and alone, yet surrounded by people.

I have been dealing with a lot of things in my life. Been carrying some heavy load for years and every so often, it drags me down and I feel like I’m going to drown.

In this moment, right now all I see around me is darkness. I don’t remember ever feeling so bad about life. It feels like I’ve wasted my entire adult life and all for nothing. I’ve given so much of myself for people, sacrificed so much, and for what?

I’m sure I’ll be okay eventually, maybe my life will make sense one day. I’m not really going to hold my breath but I really hope it all does make sense someday.

Still amazed at how just when I’m at the brink of slipping into the deep end, God reveals Himself through someone else. Or through something that would normally be mundane or ordinary. It’s been a horrible month, an even worse week and then out of the blue.. God. He always shows up. Never failing, He has never given up on me even though I am constantly failing Him. I am so humbled by His love for us.

inspiration for the rest of the week

this has really re-awakened me. hope it inspires you too

Don’t mind me,i’m just dreaming.

Have you ever found yourself dazed, staring into space imagining a life that is not. A life that let’s be honest probably never will be? I’m not talking the “go out and live your dream” kind, i’m talking the snap out of it kind. The ridiculous never gonna happen kind. See, you may visit that land one in a while, but I live there, I bought a piece of land, build a house and moved in there. It’s crazy place to be. It scares me sometimes, this property of mine, wondering whether it will ever be fruitful. After all dreams are for fools and anyone who considers themselves wise knows better that to live in that crazy little fantasy world. Sometimes when this fantasies go out of hand and I lose focus of reality, it’s pretty scaring. I always imagine that’s how insanity begins.

There’s this verse in the bible that really puts it all into perspective. Dreams are good. A little fantasizing is good, but when it takes over your mind.. it no bueno. I need that beautiful gift called self control. The ability to master my mind that I may not loe myself in a world that doesn’t exist and miss out on the beauty of today. That I may be lost in the beauty that is God.

For when dreams increase and words grow many, there is vanity;# but #God is the one you must fear.

ECC 5:7

Howdy!

Hey guys,
Hope every one of you is doing fabulous and shamelessly living for Christ!
I have been extremely busy lately with really no time to do a post, but I still think about you guys and I pray that you are continually finding inspiration in the word and in this beautiful world we live in. Inspiration to live life to the fullest, inspiration to follow your dreams, inspiration to love till your heart gives out. It is our duty to find inspiration in everything, to motivate ourselves towards the achievement of our life’s purpose and if you don’t see inspiration all around you then you really need to open your eyes because it’s there. In the most simple situation, like when we breathe in and out and our lungs don’t ache. In the laughter of those around, in the beauty of nature. It’s everywhere.. so no excuses. Look around and be grateful for all of it. And live like a person who knows just how blessed they are.

Anyway, I was just stopping by to say hallo. I will figure out a new schedule for posting(like I always do) now that my plate is so full. And I promise to be back on a regular.

God bless you.

My center.

It’s been an awesome week, I sadly haven’t had the opportunity to post a blog but honestly this post is all my week has been about. Actually, this song that I’ve posed is all my week has been out. Every morning I’ve woken up singing it, and it has really spoken to me. Helped me reevaluate things and just gotten me in full worship mode all day, everyday this week. It’s been amazing. I hope it blesses you like it does me.

Jesus be the center of it all, this is my prayer.

Jesus at the center of it all
Jesus at the center of it all
From beginning to the end
It will always be
It’s always been You
Jesus, Jesus

Nothing else matters
Nothing in this world will do
Jesus You’re the center
Everything revolves around You
Jesus You
At the center of it all

Jesus be the center of my life
Jesus be the center of my life
From beginning to the end
It will always be
It’s always been You
Jesus, Jesus

Nothing else matters
Nothing in this world will do
Jesus You’re the center
Everything revolves around You
Jesus You

Nothing else matters
Nothing in this world will do
Jesus You’re the center
Everything revolves around You
Jesus You

From my heart to the heavens
Jesus be the center
It’s all about You
Yes it’s all about You

Jesus be the center of Your church
Jesus be the center of Your church
And every knee will bow
And every tongue confess You

Jesus, Jesus

From my heart to the heavens
Jesus be the center
It’s all about You
Yes it’s all about You

From my heart to the heavens, Jesus be the center! It’s all about you.