Mope much?

In my moments of woe is me, I came across the verses quoted below. God has a sense of humor. There’s nothing i’m more certain of than that. I have been questioning a lot of my life over and over, trying to figure out why?! but, I am now reminded of all the other times God has come through for me, in small ways, and big ways but still I question Him.

But who are you, O man, to answer back to God? Will what is molded say to its molder, “Why have you made me like this?” Has the potter no right over the clay, to make out of the same lump one vessel for honorable use and another for dishonorable use? What if God, desiring to show his wrath and to make known his power, has endured with much patience vessels of wrath prepared for destruction, in order to make known the riches of his glory for vessels of mercy, which he has prepared beforehand for glory—even us whom he has called, not from the Jews only but also from the Gentiles? As indeed he says in Hosea, “Those who were not my people I will call ‘my people,’ and her who was not beloved I will call ‘beloved.’”

(Romans 9:20-25 ESV)

 

God is good, He has promised that He has it all planned out of our good, so why should we sit around and mop about all the things that are not working out? He is God, He created us, He has it all under control. So chill, breathe and enjoy the positive. Give the best you can in everything you have and stop focusing on everything that’s not working.

He has it covered.

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.

(John 14:27 ESV)

May my heart one day dance.

I had not realized just how long it has been since I was on this page. I took a little break. To be honest I chose a path that had me spiraling toward the opposite direction. It all worked out for my good as He has promised, but my life is hardly perfect.

It’s very hard to believe everything the bible says about our life sometimes. I understand that the bible doesn’t promise a perfect happy life, but I don’t remember a part where it says I have to drown in darkness and pain for months, come out out triumphant only to be thrown back deeper. I walk around life with joy, gladness, a smile permanently plastered on my face, but my heart is far from what the world perceives my life to be.

I am grateful for the life I have been given. Grateful for person I am, I am not complaining. I just wish I could be filled with exuberance.

I want my heart to dance.

Darkness.

A lot has happened since the last time I posted. I drew away from God, found my stability back in him and just got in a whole big mess in terms of my life and my emotional/mental health.

Now, I’m back in a good place. Well, with God at least but to be honest, my life has never felt more pointless. I’m sitting here, blessed and in this amazing new situation that everyone around me is screaming jealousy and “oh my you’re living my dream”, blah blah.. but here I am. feeling completely lost and alone, yet surrounded by people.

I have been dealing with a lot of things in my life. Been carrying some heavy load for years and every so often, it drags me down and I feel like I’m going to drown.

In this moment, right now all I see around me is darkness. I don’t remember ever feeling so bad about life. It feels like I’ve wasted my entire adult life and all for nothing. I’ve given so much of myself for people, sacrificed so much, and for what?

I’m sure I’ll be okay eventually, maybe my life will make sense one day. I’m not really going to hold my breath but I really hope it all does make sense someday.

I’m happy for you….. but..

I’ve had a pretty normal day. Well as normal as a day at work can be, and I was in a pretty chill mood until I saw something online.

I was checking out one of my networks pages and just like that my mood changed. I started wondering what I have been doing with my life. Why I wasted so much time with the silly things when I could have done something meaningful with my time and random stuff like that. Now that I think about it, it’s funny. But a few minutes ago I was on the verge of spontaneously combusting from all the thoughts that were running through my mind.

I want all this stuff but really I don’t want them, I just think they look good from across the fence. Doesn’t everything? Honestly, being a human being is a hilarious ride when you really think about it because, I’m really happy for this girl. Her life is working out really fabulously for her and she is such a wonderful role model when it comes to a life dedicated to Christ. I don’t really want her life, or her career or any of that it’s just that every time I end up on her page I feel like a complete under achiever.

Why do we do that? Why do we let other peoples lives be a yard stick for our own? Why do we compare when we know no two of us are really alike? That we are build from completely different circumstances and have different goal and destinies planned ahead for us by God?

I really don’t get it at all, most confusing thing about is that it happens every single time I interact with her. She really inspires me and I love her and i’m very happy for her but for those two minutes after I check her websites or speak to her or whatever, I feel absolutely terrible about myself.

It’s ridiculously hilarious but I do that. I know I’m not alone and I know if you’re like me you feel absolutely horrible about it. But I’ve come to find a way to deal with it so it doesn’t last long or go negative.

1. Pray about it. Thank God for what you have and ask Him to bless whoever it is you are envious or beating yourself up about. Also ask that He lead you and direct you that you may achieve His purpose and will for your life.

2. Tell the person how proud you are of the things you admire about them. Don’t turn into an internal thing you battle with. Shout it out because as much as the person may be doing so well they may not feel like they are.

3. Focus on a project or whatever it is you feel you have neglected. Don’t waste all that energy on negative thoughts of times past, use it positively.

4. Pray.. 🙂 yes again!

This stuff  happen to the best of us, the problem comes in when you get negative and wish it for yourself or think negative thought about someone because of what they have or far they’ve gone in their lives. Just be happy for them, genuinely happy for them and it will pass.

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant
(1 Corinthians 13:4 ESV)

Midweek inspiration

This weeks inspiration will be a little bit different. I decided instead of sharing a sermon, I share a book I recently(last night) started reading that has really inspired me. Rid of my disgrace by Justin s. Holcomb and Lindsey A. Holcomb, I’m not sure how many of you have read it, if you haven’t I would really recommend it. It’s a really well researched moving book about sexual assault victims.

It has really opened my eyes, and helped me understand so much about the emotions and basically the life of an assaulted person. We take a lot for granted and most of the time we don’t even know how to react to someone in their state of trauma. This book, puts you in their shoes, and let’s you see and feel what they feel and will definitely improve how we reach out to them and hasten their healing.

You can get the book here.