Mope much?

In my moments of woe is me, I came across the verses quoted below. God has a sense of humor. There’s nothing i’m more certain of than that. I have been questioning a lot of my life over and over, trying to figure out why?! but, I am now reminded of all the other times God has come through for me, in small ways, and big ways but still I question Him.

But who are you, O man, to answer back to God? Will what is molded say to its molder, “Why have you made me like this?” Has the potter no right over the clay, to make out of the same lump one vessel for honorable use and another for dishonorable use? What if God, desiring to show his wrath and to make known his power, has endured with much patience vessels of wrath prepared for destruction, in order to make known the riches of his glory for vessels of mercy, which he has prepared beforehand for glory—even us whom he has called, not from the Jews only but also from the Gentiles? As indeed he says in Hosea, “Those who were not my people I will call ‘my people,’ and her who was not beloved I will call ‘beloved.’”

(Romans 9:20-25 ESV)

 

God is good, He has promised that He has it all planned out of our good, so why should we sit around and mop about all the things that are not working out? He is God, He created us, He has it all under control. So chill, breathe and enjoy the positive. Give the best you can in everything you have and stop focusing on everything that’s not working.

He has it covered.

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.

(John 14:27 ESV)

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May my heart one day dance.

I had not realized just how long it has been since I was on this page. I took a little break. To be honest I chose a path that had me spiraling toward the opposite direction. It all worked out for my good as He has promised, but my life is hardly perfect.

It’s very hard to believe everything the bible says about our life sometimes. I understand that the bible doesn’t promise a perfect happy life, but I don’t remember a part where it says I have to drown in darkness and pain for months, come out out triumphant only to be thrown back deeper. I walk around life with joy, gladness, a smile permanently plastered on my face, but my heart is far from what the world perceives my life to be.

I am grateful for the life I have been given. Grateful for person I am, I am not complaining. I just wish I could be filled with exuberance.

I want my heart to dance.

joyofthelord

Hold on, this may take a while….

Every day is a chance to grow in God. Every single moment, in every single thing we do.

When we ask God to make us holy, or to fix us, we ask that He changes us in our every move. It’s not about some blanket change, where you wake up one morning and you are this perfect human being. That doesn’t happen. Every aspect of our lives is an opportunity to glorify God. To be able to appreciate that we need to actually grow, just like as we do in every other thing in life. If you struggle with patience and you pray about it and you work on it daily and have faith that He’ll change you, you are more likely to appreciate the more patient you, than if you wake tomorrow and you are smiling at everyone, and giving everyone a second chance. Same thing with working out and eating right in weight loss. Everything in life comes in  process, God does that for a reason. That we may learn, that we may recognize His sovereignty.

Although the change may take time, it does come. It’s not like some new years resolution you make, when you know well you won’t commit. When you lay your struggles at His feet, He commits to you. He is faithful to grow you, change you into that person You are meant to be. That your life may be a testimony to Him and His great works. So, is it going to take time to drop that bad habit or characteristic? Yes. But, it will happen. Don’t give up on yourself, and don’t give up on God. Commit your life to the path He has laid out and He will surely fulfill His promises for your life. So right now, whatever it is you are struggling with, it’s not finished yet. Look how far you have already come, do you think He’d bring you this far and  just abandon you? Of course not. Chin up. Take that next step in faith and in love. Love for God and love for people, and watch Him change you.

    Trust in the LORD, and do good;
        dwell in the land and befriend faithfulness.
    Delight yourself in the LORD,
        and he will give you the desires of your heart.
    Commit your way to the LORD;
        trust in him, and he will act.
    He will bring forth your righteousness as the light,
        and your justice as the noonday.
    Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him;
        fret not yourself over the one who prospers in his way,
        over the man who carries out evil devices!
    Refrain from anger, and forsake wrath!
        Fret not yourself; it tends only to evil.
    For the evildoers shall be cut off,
        but those who wait for the LORD shall inherit the land.
(Psalm 37:3-9 ESV)

Live!

He that is in us, is greater than he that is in the world. Consequence, bad choices, weakness or whatever it is that’s pulling you from God. He is greater, and He will win the fight if you let Him fight for You. Remember Him dying on the cross? That was for whatever you’re going through now. Whatever, we’re going through. He saw it then, He sees it now, and He’s already won. Now it’s up to us to act like we believe it, living  like it. Knowing that our lives are not in vain. That our pain is not eternal. It all passes because we have been promised it does. Dust yourself up and move on from whatever is holding you back from living fully. Embrace the freedom we have been blessed with. Live!

   

Christian?

I’ve heard a lot of people say that Christians only do good so they can go to heaven. Apparently, that’s the overall “vybe” that most Christians exude to non-Christians. Made me wonder, considering how many people seem to think that , are there any Christians who share that belief? Are there Christian who live that way? Doing good only for what they could get in the end. Are you among those? Doing good deeds just because of the great reward?

If you are, then you probably know deep down that, that is not what being a Christian is about, at all! Christianity is not some primary school reward system where you get points for good deeds, and lose them for the bad. If it were we would all be running on negatives trying to gain some points wouldn’t we? In that really messed up view of Christianity where would grace fall? Is there even any room for it? For forgiveness or mercy? Wouldn’t our lives be all about working really hard to be perfect and always do good so we could make the cut? The bible says,

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
(2 Corinthians 12:9 ESV)

God’s power is made strong in our WEAKNESS, meaning yes He knows we are weak. He does not expect us to be perfect and good. Only Jesus was, that’s why He chose to die on the cross that we may live. Acknowledging that, is all we need. Knowing that Jesus is indeed our only way, is the only salvation. No amount of good deeds can get anyone to heaven no matter how good you are, and no amount of bad can keep you out if you believe in God. Our God is a God of second chances, a God who loves us in our weakness and failures. No one should convince you other wise.

So no. Christianity is not about all the good you do. It’s about Jesus! It’s about our relationship with Him. An honest, authentic relationship with Christ. He doesn’t want a fake, “Hey, look at me world, I do good deeds all the time”, He just wants an honest heart with all the brokenness and short comings. Do not be fooled into living an inauthentic life just so you can look good on paper. Yes, as Christians we are a representation of Christ and because of that we have to work to live as He did. That does not mean that when you slip up you should hide away in a hole or live a life in secret sin. Your mistakes do not make you any less Christian. As long as you keep your relationship with God honest and repent. God does not expect any more from you than He knows you can give, so don’t try to live by anyone else’s standards. Do not live to please anyone else. Good deeds are good, but the love of Christ is best.

Stopping by to say hi.. :)

I figured I should write something for the sake of my “I promise to write more post” I wrote not so long ago. I could give a list of excuses for why I haven’t posted more, but I really don’t have any. The truth is in the last couple of posts I have made. I just haven’t been  there spiritually, and in my journey to getting to that good place I haven’t really had any good or positive things to say. I really don’t want to be the one throwing negativity and darkness online because we have enough of that already, plus I’ve lived that life and I prefer to stay away from “that” person I once was. So I’m getting back to the okay place,  and I pray that God gives me the strength to move, and grow in my spiritual and physical life. Until then, I can’t promise regular, daily posts, once a week is more likely. So again, I’m really sorry for my diminished presence online, but I assure you it’s all going to work for my good. And I’m getting there for sure!!!

Hope everyone is doing okay.

I’m adding this video of a song I really love and blesses me. Jesus Culture are really fantastic, if you haven’t listened to their stuff you should check them out.

 

Oh Lord, You’re beautiful by Jesus Culture

and the verse for today is,

    But by the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace toward me was not in vain. On the contrary, I worked harder than any of them, though it was not I, but the grace of God that is with me.
(1 Corinthians 15:10 ESV)

Cracked but not broken.

I just found out something really horrible and heart breaking about someone I love. I don’t really want to talk about it but I really need prayers. My mind has been racing, I can’t stop crying thinking about how easily things can fall apart. My life is in Christ and i’m safe in Him but what happens when the ones you love choose the opposite? There is really not much I can do for this person because they’ve made their choices and done some things that really can’t be undone. I can’t choose for them, I can’t make them live life they way I wish they would. My heart is breaking thinking of how much regret and pain will come from said choices in the future.

We have all been given the freedom to choose our path, our lives, and when it comes to the people we love, all we can really do is pray and show them love in spite of themselves. I believe that God can change any situation for good, and I really need Him to change this one. I can not give up. I can not let myself be negative. I need the grace to give grace. The grace to love unconditionally. I’m a bit lost right now, for this person and I need the wisdom to handle this thing right.

Right now, I really need all the prayers I can get because I am weak.

No more fear of being watched.

And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.
If we live by the Spirit, let us also keep in step with the Spirit.
(Galatians 5:24-25 ESV)

Don’t watch what I do, I’ll make mistakes. Listen to my words and read His word for guidance and direction. I have found myself saying that a lot. It’s now really bugging me though, don’t watch what I do? How exactly did that make any sense that i’d actually think to say something like that?

We already know the whole, we’re human beings we make mistakes deal, so that’s covered. but what makes us feel that we shouldn’t be watched? imitated, Be examples? Imagining that someone new in faith would look at us. Emulate me. I’m not doing anything bad, I live a pretty okay lifestyle(I could do better I know). But, if my Christianity was to be judged on “my goodness” then heck! i’m very christian, but that’s not what Christianity is. I am supposed to emulate Christ. And as much as I may try to live it completely, I fail sometimes. But that’s not it. After thinking about it for a while, I came to the conclusion that, our fear of being watched, emulated is not really because we are doing or planning to do anything sinful, but us trying to leave a little room just in case. We want to be holy but a little part of us is craving that unholy, that sin, that temptation, so instead of completely walking away, we leave just a little space.

It’s like saying, “Lord, I want to be with you, but how about we leave a few minutes of my day for the devil. Just in case.” We can’t really love God and love the world. We can’t be pure and sin. We have to choose one. This isn’t to say we won’t mess up, but more about giving ourselves up completely to Him. Those little things that make you fear to be watched, because you want to have the freedom to fall back and indulge in them once in a while. Those are the worst. They will make you lose your way completely. It’s time to be courageous and let go of whatever it is that holds us back from giving ourselves completely to God, so that other may learn to do the same. After all we can not have both. It’s either the world and the short term indulgence or our spiritual life.

One will have to die. Which will it be?

Whoever seeks to preserve his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life will keep it.
(Luke 17:33 ESV)


You’re so perfect.

There’s a lot about myself that I hated. The things that I wish I was good at, that i’m so horrible at. Then the things i’m good at which, I thought were a complete waste and pointless, until recently when I realized nothing in my life is a waste. (I have a lot of epiphanies, I wish I could jot them down each time I get one). Anyway,  the other day it hit me I was created! Yeah, I know you know that but do you really know that? I can’t really explain it but, for a second life made sense.

We are created! As much as we are born into the lives we are born into, we have been created. Molded, carefully. This wonderful Artist took His time, writing the story of our lives. We are here for a purpose. He knows that when you try to sing birds die, but He still wants you to sing for Him. He made you with those two left feet, and Yes! He wants you to dance for Him. This awesome God, placed us in the families we are in. Gave us the talents we have. God created us, flaws and all. Those things we call mistakes, defects are perfect to Him. Those things make us human, they are there intentionally. So us going, “my life would be so much better if…” and all those things we think. You look at someone and you see the flaws, which to the Artist are perfection.That’s like telling God He didn’t do a good job the first time and you can do a better job. Whoah! Really? I don’t know about you but that’s not a challenge i’m willing to make. God makes no mistakes. And thinking about it, isn’t mocking a creation by extension mocking the creator  I can imagine an artist/painter would not take it well hearing someone insult his work, now imagine God. If that doesn’t help you respect and show love to His creation…

We have been created to love. That’s our most important purpose.

There’s still so much I am yet to figure out about myself, but now I see how a lot of things I saw as negatives in me are actually positives. My past, my mistakes, people, they may have been there to shape me into who I am supposed to be, but they do not define me. I am defined by God, my Creator. The bigger picture may not be clear, but I now know more than ever before that I am right where I am supposed to be.

We are all perfect, in His eyes.

We rise and we fall, everything falls apart but one thing remains He is our solid rock. He makes no mistakes and in Him we are made perfect. By His grace we are made perfect through Christ. Those things about my life that I thought sucked, are the ones I have to proclaim Him by. If it wasn’t for my mistakes and failures, I wouldn’t have a testimony.

His work is perfect, We are perfect in Him.

When you wish it would all end..

Life’s burning issues. Matters of the heart.

They tag and they pull, and strech you to the limit. and just as you think you can take no more, they throw you some more. Till you wish your heart would just give out and save you the pain.

I’ll be honest, I’ve wished it once or twice(or maybe more). Imagined heaven, the peace awaiting me there and just prayed for it all to end.

I completely understand suicide. I understand how someone can get to that place where you’re tired of life, tired of people, tired of always having to try so hard for even the most mundane of things and you  just want it all to end. As much as I have this “my-life-is-not-my-own-so-i-cannot-take-it” mentality. I get it. Sometimes life just sucks! Sometimes, the only thing you can think of is, when will it end?

I’ve had times in my life when I prayed, hours in tears asking God to just take my life. When I couldn’t see any positive outcome no matter where I looked. It’s sad really when I think about those moments, and remember the pain I was in but I am so grateful that God did not answer those prayers because here I am. Today, a joyful me. With only fading memories of those agonizing days. God has a plan for us, the path to it may be rough and sometimes painful but He has a plan and is not about to abandon us on the way to it.

Life sadly, will never be perfect but we have been promised that pain doesn’t last forever. It may be the pits right now, but endure a little bit longer and watch the pain fade to a distant memory. Whatever it is that has you so low. Whatever has you googling ways to kill yourself, or crying all night wondering why you were created in the first place. Whatever it is that has you imagining doing horrible things to someone. It WILL pass. The world will not collapse from under you and your heart won’t explode from the all the pain. Trust me, I know. It will NOT last. Just put your trust in God and He will get you through it. He’s done it for me(even though I never really deserved it) and He will surely do it for you.

Weeping may tarry for the night,

but joy comes with the morning.

Psalm 30:5 esv