These twists and turns.

john1_5

photo cred: rickandridgephotography

It’s such a long time since I wrote.

I got lost in all of it, in life and going by the motions.

I wish I could say I’ve got it together, I mean after all this time I should have something together, right?

But, this being a christian thing, the whole being human thing. It’s hard. Individually hard and then you  put them together and it’s a whole new set of challenges.

I know a lot of people who seem to have it down. The whole living by faith thing, and career thing. I know appearances are deceiving especially in this world we live in today with photoshop and looking good for the cameras.

It’s really frustrating though, so I come here and I read something I wrote, and the pain I’ve been in before and remember that it all passes and it’ll be okay. It has to be okay. So I stop comparing myself to other people, and how far they appear to have come, or how strong their faith looks compared to mine.

But, it’s still really difficult sometimes living the day by day. On days like today when i’m feeling empty, feeling lost, feeling disconnected, and weak in faith.

He says joy comes in the morning, He says all things work together for my good, so I have to believe it will all be okay.

It’s hard, it really is, and if i’m completely honest, I may not make it easy for myself sometimes but i’m trying.

 

God, help me live by faith. Give me the strength and wisdom to walk the path and trust You have it all under control. Amen.

 

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Time to prove my trust.

I punish myself a lot for my mistakes. Always beating myself up for all the wrong things I’ve done. And I realize now, how that contradicts my claim to His grace.
I claim to believe that He forgave me, I claim to believe that His mercies are new every morning, yet here I am punishing myself for what has been wiped clean. It’s so funny how clearly I see it now. Every action I place in the name of self correction, is an action against trust in Him. How can I say I trust him when my deeds say I don’t believe I’m forgiven. When I’m constantly working to earn my redemption, like I don’t trust it was already given freely on the cross.

May my heart one day dance.

I had not realized just how long it has been since I was on this page. I took a little break. To be honest I chose a path that had me spiraling toward the opposite direction. It all worked out for my good as He has promised, but my life is hardly perfect.

It’s very hard to believe everything the bible says about our life sometimes. I understand that the bible doesn’t promise a perfect happy life, but I don’t remember a part where it says I have to drown in darkness and pain for months, come out out triumphant only to be thrown back deeper. I walk around life with joy, gladness, a smile permanently plastered on my face, but my heart is far from what the world perceives my life to be.

I am grateful for the life I have been given. Grateful for person I am, I am not complaining. I just wish I could be filled with exuberance.

I want my heart to dance.

joyofthelord

Darkness.

A lot has happened since the last time I posted. I drew away from God, found my stability back in him and just got in a whole big mess in terms of my life and my emotional/mental health.

Now, I’m back in a good place. Well, with God at least but to be honest, my life has never felt more pointless. I’m sitting here, blessed and in this amazing new situation that everyone around me is screaming jealousy and “oh my you’re living my dream”, blah blah.. but here I am. feeling completely lost and alone, yet surrounded by people.

I have been dealing with a lot of things in my life. Been carrying some heavy load for years and every so often, it drags me down and I feel like I’m going to drown.

In this moment, right now all I see around me is darkness. I don’t remember ever feeling so bad about life. It feels like I’ve wasted my entire adult life and all for nothing. I’ve given so much of myself for people, sacrificed so much, and for what?

I’m sure I’ll be okay eventually, maybe my life will make sense one day. I’m not really going to hold my breath but I really hope it all does make sense someday.

Still amazed at how just when I’m at the brink of slipping into the deep end, God reveals Himself through someone else. Or through something that would normally be mundane or ordinary. It’s been a horrible month, an even worse week and then out of the blue.. God. He always shows up. Never failing, He has never given up on me even though I am constantly failing Him. I am so humbled by His love for us.

Don’t mind me,i’m just dreaming.

Have you ever found yourself dazed, staring into space imagining a life that is not. A life that let’s be honest probably never will be? I’m not talking the “go out and live your dream” kind, i’m talking the snap out of it kind. The ridiculous never gonna happen kind. See, you may visit that land one in a while, but I live there, I bought a piece of land, build a house and moved in there. It’s crazy place to be. It scares me sometimes, this property of mine, wondering whether it will ever be fruitful. After all dreams are for fools and anyone who considers themselves wise knows better that to live in that crazy little fantasy world. Sometimes when this fantasies go out of hand and I lose focus of reality, it’s pretty scaring. I always imagine that’s how insanity begins.

There’s this verse in the bible that really puts it all into perspective. Dreams are good. A little fantasizing is good, but when it takes over your mind.. it no bueno. I need that beautiful gift called self control. The ability to master my mind that I may not loe myself in a world that doesn’t exist and miss out on the beauty of today. That I may be lost in the beauty that is God.

For when dreams increase and words grow many, there is vanity;# but #God is the one you must fear.

ECC 5:7

Howdy!

Hey guys,
Hope every one of you is doing fabulous and shamelessly living for Christ!
I have been extremely busy lately with really no time to do a post, but I still think about you guys and I pray that you are continually finding inspiration in the word and in this beautiful world we live in. Inspiration to live life to the fullest, inspiration to follow your dreams, inspiration to love till your heart gives out. It is our duty to find inspiration in everything, to motivate ourselves towards the achievement of our life’s purpose and if you don’t see inspiration all around you then you really need to open your eyes because it’s there. In the most simple situation, like when we breathe in and out and our lungs don’t ache. In the laughter of those around, in the beauty of nature. It’s everywhere.. so no excuses. Look around and be grateful for all of it. And live like a person who knows just how blessed they are.

Anyway, I was just stopping by to say hallo. I will figure out a new schedule for posting(like I always do) now that my plate is so full. And I promise to be back on a regular.

God bless you.

Kim Kardashian inspired me

I’ve written about Kim before, I think it was last year or early this year when she had done something(can’t remember what) and everyone had an opinion about it/her. So again I have something to say, not that I’ve heard or seen anything about her that I feel I need to defend or anything, I just thought of her and felt very inspired. I know a lot of you read that and were really puzzled. Well, keep reading. People have this opinion of her that is nothing close to inspiring. But, as much as I may not exactly follow her shows or her life, I am online a lot and I cannot prevent myself from seeing aspects of her life that are always being publicized(mostly negative sadly).
In spite of all that negative talk about her though, this lady keeps on living her life the way she wants to live it. You can say whatever you want about about Kim Kardashian, but you cannot deny that she’s focused. Every new story, every negative, she picks it and spins it to her advantage. The girl works hard. Her whole life is a job and she knows it, showing us what we want to see. I may not want to live her life -mostly because that publicity is ridiculous- but honestly, I think it takes way too much energy and I wasn’t born to work that hard.. *Smiley face* but I would love if I had that much passion towards my dreams and goals. The ability to take the negative and use it to my advantage. That’s inspiring.If we could all live our live with that tenacity towards our faith, our passions, our lives. It would be incredible.

We all need to be a little bit stubborn when it comes to living the life we dream of. Refuse to bend to public opinion. Choose to be ourselves. No imitation. When it comes to her personal life, I really have no clue. I don’t know how she truly is on the inside, I don’t know what she believes, and it’s not my job to know. It’s not my job to judge her either. Her life choices are her own, guided by her thoughts, her heart and whoever advises her and I will not judge her choices. It’s very easy to sit on my couch watching some entertainment news nonsense and form an opinion based on someone else’s imagined summary of a celebrity’s life. But, I am not here to live the easy life. I’m here to represent Christ and Christ sees the heart, and He shows love, and grace. Plus, I’ve mucked my life up pretty good with some choices I’ve made and it would be extremely ridiculous to judge someone when my own faults are staring at me. So I will only speak about her public life, what I see. What she shows us, and that is bravery and a whole lot of crazy hard work. She is always selling something, it may not be obvious, but she is always marketing, making money, achieving some goal. Be it online or when she’s out and about. And that is something to admire.

So the motivation for today, and the week ahead. Don’t lose focus on the dream. Push forward, have faith and mute all the negative talk. You’ll get there.

I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.”
(John 16:33 ESV)

The morning after chic fil a by mike patz

Mike Patz

It’s the morning after the Chick-fil-A drama and I’m still chewing.

I remember the day I was sitting next to an incredibly nice gay guy, enjoying a really good conversation when he dropped the ultimate conversation-killer.

“What do you do for a living?”

I hate that question.  I hate that question because people can’t help but size you up when they hear the answer.  I hate that question because we’re already prone to think of ourselves as human doings instead of human beings.  I hate that question because of what it does to people when they find out what I do.

I’ve often tried to find ways around the question. I’ve told people I work with non-profit organizations (this is true). I’ve told people that I write (this is true). I’ve even told people that I am a spiritual guru that assists people in opening their third eye (I really…

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A text From a friend

So as the title states today’s post was not something I wrote, a friend ent me this and I thought I should share it. Hope it inspires you as well.

There is a battle between light and darkness in this world. The devil will do bad things to people if he can get away with it. He is a thief and is always endeavoring to steal God’s blessings form us. Although we enjoy a great deal of protection from him simply by avoiding sin and living in obedience to the word of God, we cannot er afford to just sit back complacently and think we’re immune from his attacks. Be sober and alert.

Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.
(1 Peter 5:8 ESV)