Darkness.

A lot has happened since the last time I posted. I drew away from God, found my stability back in him and just got in a whole big mess in terms of my life and my emotional/mental health.

Now, I’m back in a good place. Well, with God at least but to be honest, my life has never felt more pointless. I’m sitting here, blessed and in this amazing new situation that everyone around me is screaming jealousy and “oh my you’re living my dream”, blah blah.. but here I am. feeling completely lost and alone, yet surrounded by people.

I have been dealing with a lot of things in my life. Been carrying some heavy load for years and every so often, it drags me down and I feel like I’m going to drown.

In this moment, right now all I see around me is darkness. I don’t remember ever feeling so bad about life. It feels like I’ve wasted my entire adult life and all for nothing. I’ve given so much of myself for people, sacrificed so much, and for what?

I’m sure I’ll be okay eventually, maybe my life will make sense one day. I’m not really going to hold my breath but I really hope it all does make sense someday.

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