I’m happy for you….. but..

I’ve had a pretty normal day. Well as normal as a day at work can be, and I was in a pretty chill mood until I saw something online.

I was checking out one of my networks pages and just like that my mood changed. I started wondering what I have been doing with my life. Why I wasted so much time with the silly things when I could have done something meaningful with my time and random stuff like that. Now that I think about it, it’s funny. But a few minutes ago I was on the verge of spontaneously combusting from all the thoughts that were running through my mind.

I want all this stuff but really I don’t want them, I just think they look good from across the fence. Doesn’t everything? Honestly, being a human being is a hilarious ride when you really think about it because, I’m really happy for this girl. Her life is working out really fabulously for her and she is such a wonderful role model when it comes to a life dedicated to Christ. I don’t really want her life, or her career or any of that it’s just that every time I end up on her page I feel like a complete under achiever.

Why do we do that? Why do we let other peoples lives be a yard stick for our own? Why do we compare when we know no two of us are really alike? That we are build from completely different circumstances and have different goal and destinies planned ahead for us by God?

I really don’t get it at all, most confusing thing about is that it happens every single time I interact with her. She really inspires me and I love her and i’m very happy for her but for those two minutes after I check her websites or speak to her or whatever, I feel absolutely terrible about myself.

It’s ridiculously hilarious but I do that. I know I’m not alone and I know if you’re like me you feel absolutely horrible about it. But I’ve come to find a way to deal with it so it doesn’t last long or go negative.

1. Pray about it. Thank God for what you have and ask Him to bless whoever it is you are envious or beating yourself up about. Also ask that He lead you and direct you that you may achieve His purpose and will for your life.

2. Tell the person how proud you are of the things you admire about them. Don’t turn into an internal thing you battle with. Shout it out because as much as the person may be doing so well they may not feel like they are.

3. Focus on a project or whatever it is you feel you have neglected. Don’t waste all that energy on negative thoughts of times past, use it positively.

4. Pray.. 🙂 yes again!

This stuff  happen to the best of us, the problem comes in when you get negative and wish it for yourself or think negative thought about someone because of what they have or far they’ve gone in their lives. Just be happy for them, genuinely happy for them and it will pass.

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant
(1 Corinthians 13:4 ESV)

Single, Yes. Loving it? Not so much.

We all have those days/nights when you just want someone. Some companionship, tonight is one of those for me. I was going to go a whole different route with tonights post but I got completely overwhelmed by this “loneliness” cloud hovering over me.Yep, I’m single, like a baobab tree in the middle of the desert, single, very single. That little factor seems more apparent to me tonight more than any other night. *sigh* I should probably also add the fact that I’ve been single for about two year now.. haha! No, there’s nothing wrong with me.

I am a very choosy human. Yeah, figure that’s a good place to start.

I’m choosy, very choosy in fact about everything! From the food I eat, to the table I sit at, at the restaurant, to just about anything (watches as any man who would have been interested in me runs away). So obviously same goes for friendships and the men in my life.

We’re always told not to judge a potential boyfriend/girlfriend by our past experiences but honestly that’s not only impossible but stupid. No, I will not assume you’ll be violent or unfaithful but I will also not walk blindly into anything without thinking it out. I’m one of those who believe that love is intended before it’s spontaneous. I don’t think a single person can actually say they met someone and fell madly in-love the moment they saw them and got married and have been married for 60years. If those exist then they must be very few and very blessed with such a wonderful anomaly.The rest continue on to discover what they saw was just a facade or that the persons personality is completely opposite what they were looking for.

Me, I choose to use logic. I don’t exactly have a list of what a man should have I just have a list of what he shouldn’t. Deal breakers for me; smoking is a NO for me, I don’t smoke (I’ve had a lot of friends who smoke, and the temptation for a toke is too high), I have a lot of alcoholics dead beats  in my family so you can guess what my opinion on drinking is. I drank in college and that was that – a stupid phase- I’m not saying everyone that drinks is irresponsible, I’ve just been exposed to too many of that type and I’m done with that. and, of course the man has to love and respect his momma and sisters and protect them always. Finally and most important with God as his foundation  I can’t go wrong, so he has to love God with all he’s got.

With all my wonderful reasoning and all my knowledge, at times like this I just want anything. I won’t go out looking or anything like that but if it fell through my roof well.. Haha!  Thankfully men do not fall through roofs, so all I have to worry about is lonely nights wishing I had what I don’t. For now till the day God sends my chosen spouse, I shall be single and lonely, but patiently waiting.