Away with the rules!

This Christianity thing is hard!

Honestly, I’ve always been a “do the right thing”, type of person but I never actually thought about it or looked at it the way I do now. Everything is so different, now I can’t do the right thing just for the heck of it being right. I don’t know how to explain it really but, I do things with meaning and purpose or else they are not worth doing them.

Most people think of Christianity and see a long list of don’ts. All these seemingly wonderful things that you miss out on when you choose Christ. Luke warm looks so good when you look at it that way. Imagining how much you’ll miss out on waking up in a ditch somewhere, having sex with random strangers and all that wonderful stuff.. I know, I went a bit on the extreme about that, but considering all sin is equal in the eyes of God, does it really matter what example I used? It’s difficult, turning away from those little pleasures we have grown so accustomed to. Especially when the world says it’s okay, it’s all normal.

We have this list of rules, the ten commandments. They are hard, honestly most of us can’t even get past the first one without sinning.

 The Ten Commandments (Exodus 20:2-17 NKJV)
1 “I am the Lord your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of bondage. You shall have no other gods before Me. (this includes and is not limited to: yourself, your possessions, your job, your loved ones, your money)
2 “You shall not make for yourself a carved image, or any likeness of anything that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth; you shall not bow down to them nor serve them. For I, the Lord your God, am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children to the third and fourth generations of those who hate Me, but showing mercy to thousands, to those who love Me and keep My Commandments. (refer to the first commadment)
3 “You shall not take the name of the Lord your God in vain, for the Lord will not hold him guiltless who takes His name in vain. (have you ever said oh my __?)
4 “Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy. Six days you shall labor and do all your work, but the seventh day is the Sabbath of the Lord your God. In it you shall do no work: you, nor your son, nor your daughter, nor your male servant, nor your female servant, nor your cattle, nor your stranger who is within your gates. For in six days the Lord made the heavens and the earth, the sea, and all that is in them, and rested the seventh day. Therefore the Lord blessed the Sabbath day and hallowed it.(I honestly can’t even get into this one)
5 “Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long upon the land which the Lord your God is giving you.(well, we could start with the meaning of honor but i’m sure the parents have gotten the opposite of this at some point)
6 “You shall not murder. (if you have thought then it’s the same thing, so add that here)
7 “You shall not commit adultery.(refer to previous)
8 “You shall not steal.(yes this includes that pen)
9 “You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor. (liar, liar, pants on fire)
10 “You shall not covet your neighbor’s house; you shall not covet your neighbor’s wife, nor his male servant, nor his female servant, nor his ox, nor his donkey, nor anything that is your neighbor’s.” (lust! i’m sure you know what that is)

So is there anyone who’s clean? Can anyone honestly say that it’s easy to follow those rules/guidelines or whatever you choose to call them? I doubt it. So why choose to focus on that? Why do we always focus on our failures and try so hard to be perfect when deep down we know we cannot?

Trying is good, it’s very important for us to work hard to do what is right but our focus cannot be on attaining perfection. I personally believe Christianity is actually defined by LOVE! We are asked to love God and each other, that’s the mot important thing. Instead of focusing on right and wrong, we should focus on love. Focus on caring for those around us and doing what is right by them. If we truly honest about doing that in the end we realize that everything else fall into place. Loving God through worship and devotion and study of the word and loving our neighbors.  When you focus on Him, you want to do what is pleasing to Him. You are unashamed to be associated with Him. It’s do or die and completely amazing. And when you love others, you want what’s best for them at all times and doing things that will cause them harm is the least likely thing you could ever do.


LOVE. So much easier that tip toeing around rules don’t you think?

1 Peter 4:8 (NIV)

8 Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.


I was told you were not there

It was all a figment of my imagination

That I believe in the unperceivable

Yet I still held on, kept believing.

A lot of times my faith has faltered

It seemed to me that I was all alone

Struggling to cradle my belief

Trying to press on

Fighting against all those who attempted to make me stop believing

But now I grow weak

Is it still worth it to keep believing?

Is still worth it to make so many enemies for something I have no proof of?

I try

I’ve held on for so long I need something

A sign

Anything because my strength, my faith is feeble.

I found this poem in some of my old documents, I wrote it a couple of years ago. Some of it still expresses some of the things I sometimes feel to this day. I am so grateful to God though, that I am not as low as I was then. I have seen the hand of God in my life. I know God exists. There’s no longer doubt. I cried out, and He heard my cry. My past is a testament to the existance of God, my joy and peace a testament to his wonderful unfailing love and grace. Praise be to God!

“Psalm 18:6 In my distress I called to the LORD; I cried to my God for help. From his temple he heard my voice; my cry came before him, into his ears”

Single, Yes. Loving it? Not so much.

We all have those days/nights when you just want someone. Some companionship, tonight is one of those for me. I was going to go a whole different route with tonights post but I got completely overwhelmed by this “loneliness” cloud hovering over me.Yep, I’m single, like a baobab tree in the middle of the desert, single, very single. That little factor seems more apparent to me tonight more than any other night. *sigh* I should probably also add the fact that I’ve been single for about two year now.. haha! No, there’s nothing wrong with me.

I am a very choosy human. Yeah, figure that’s a good place to start.

I’m choosy, very choosy in fact about everything! From the food I eat, to the table I sit at, at the restaurant, to just about anything (watches as any man who would have been interested in me runs away). So obviously same goes for friendships and the men in my life.

We’re always told not to judge a potential boyfriend/girlfriend by our past experiences but honestly that’s not only impossible but stupid. No, I will not assume you’ll be violent or unfaithful but I will also not walk blindly into anything without thinking it out. I’m one of those who believe that love is intended before it’s spontaneous. I don’t think a single person can actually say they met someone and fell madly in-love the moment they saw them and got married and have been married for 60years. If those exist then they must be very few and very blessed with such a wonderful anomaly.The rest continue on to discover what they saw was just a facade or that the persons personality is completely opposite what they were looking for.

Me, I choose to use logic. I don’t exactly have a list of what a man should have I just have a list of what he shouldn’t. Deal breakers for me; smoking is a NO for me, I don’t smoke (I’ve had a lot of friends who smoke, and the temptation for a toke is too high), I have a lot of alcoholics dead beats  in my family so you can guess what my opinion on drinking is. I drank in college and that was that – a stupid phase- I’m not saying everyone that drinks is irresponsible, I’ve just been exposed to too many of that type and I’m done with that. and, of course the man has to love and respect his momma and sisters and protect them always. Finally and most important with God as his foundation  I can’t go wrong, so he has to love God with all he’s got.

With all my wonderful reasoning and all my knowledge, at times like this I just want anything. I won’t go out looking or anything like that but if it fell through my roof well.. Haha!  Thankfully men do not fall through roofs, so all I have to worry about is lonely nights wishing I had what I don’t. For now till the day God sends my chosen spouse, I shall be single and lonely, but patiently waiting.

I am weak.

Today I woke up with a bible verse in my head.

Matthew 26:41 NIV (NIV)

“Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.”

I’m sure most of you are familiar with the passage, but for those who are not here is a short summary. Jesus is feeling weak and worn out so he takes Peter and two of His disciple up to the mountain of Gethsemane to pray. When He’s done praying though (it says an hour later), He walks back to the disciples only to find them sleeping. “Couldn’t you men keep watch with me for one hour?” he asked Peter.41 “Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.”

I find this passage very relevant to me right now because, to be honest I could do a lot better in my prayer life. Being human comes with a great level of weakness. With sin looking so “good” and us being so easily swayed, it’s hard to keep on the straight and narrow. The good thing is, God knows that. He knows we are weak, He know we fall easily to temptation, that’s why He sent His son.

In the beginning of this passage, Jesus is praying for God to take the cup from Him but after He came back to find Peter and the 2 sons of Zebedee sleeping, He goes up to pray and says, “My Father, if it is not possible for this cup to be taken away unless I drink it, may your will be done.” This to me is an indication of  Him accepting that we are flawed and that without Him drinking of the cup (dying on the cross), we as human beings wouldn’t have a chance of making it to heaven.

I am humbled by this passage, knowing how much He loved me. Choosing to die because He knew if He didn’t I would be doomed to an eternity in hell. Staying up praying for hours, for me. There is no greater love than that.

So I choose this,   “Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.”  because to be honest there is no better advice.

Losing myself

A couple of months ago I chose to live a committed life. To start acting right. To stop hurting Christ.

Like most christian my age, No. Actually just Christians in general, I had been living wrong. Christian by name and not by deeds. I always had all these excuses about why I couldn’t live as dictated in the bible. Wanting to be worldly and do what everyone else was doing. After all “I’m young right? I could always change tomorrow.”

But my conscience was killing me. I couldn’t stand the things the society considers normal. The life I was leading was slowly rejecting me. With little things like the smell of alcohol making me sick, and a growing desire to interact and share with those that followed Christ.
My heart kept pushing me till all of a sudden, I realized I hadn’t drunk in months and had no desire to.

It’s funny really when you think about it. I wasn’t even trying, but God kept nudging me and pulling me to Him. The satisfaction I feel now, the joy I have in my relationship with Him, is beyond anything I had ever experienced or imagined.

I’m still not perfect don’t get me wrong, and I actually have nothing against a little alcohol (I will discuss this on a later post), but now my greatest desire is to know God.

To lose myself in Him.