Midweek confessions

What’s the one thing that you have learned this year?

I’ve been trying to be open minded and humble enough to try new things and it’s been quite a challenge. Every time I think I got the humility thing down, something happens and my pride shows itself, loud and proud. Being humble is hard. I am irked by a lot of things too nowadays, but the one one thing I’m disappointed about is my reactions to situations after my pride reveals itself. My lack of patience and compassion(in some cases) has been really shocking to me. It’s hard being nice. Just when I thought I had it all together, when I thought I was on that good path,  I let it all just fall apart for the sake of my pride.

The fear of the LORD is hatred of evil.
Pride and arrogance and the way of evil
and perverted speech I hate.
(Proverbs 8:13 ESV)

I’ve prayed about humility for a long time, and I will admit I’ve made progress but I find myself in situations that really make me wonder who on earth I think I am. Pride, is a sign of self importance. A form of selfishness, and conceitedness. So here I am, thinking that I deserve more because of bluh, bluh, bluh, when in reality I deserve absolutely nothing. Being impatient towards someone when they mess up, when I mess up all the time. It’s insane, it makes me really sad that I still have to struggle with that today, but I have learnt that I can either chose to be impatient and curse under my breath or, I can count to 10 and not react until my head is on straight. It’s not easy, but I am trying. Praying for humilty in all I do, it’s hard like I said but I know eventually I will overcome.

For all that is in the world—the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride of life—is not from the Father but is from the world.

(1 John 2:16 ESV)

My  lesson is, I am still very far from where I should be. I need my heart to be pure, and sincere. To love and give grace without questioning or seeking validation. I want to be joyful in my heart, I want be like Christ from the inside out. I am learning to be humble each day, in each moment because that’s the only way I learn. That’s the only way I grow.

 

And he said, “What comes out of a person is what defiles him. For from within, out of the heart of man, come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, coveting, wickedness, deceit, sensuality, envy, slander, pride, foolishness.
(Mark 7:20-22 ESV)

What’s your lesson for the year? What have you been struggling with?

Thank You God!

There is so much I could say, but there’s is nothing that can really express how grateful I am to God for who I am. For the fact that I am alive today, for family, for being loved, for being healthy, for everything. There is absolutely nothing trivial, because I deserve nothing yet He has given me so much. He has chosen to love me despite of my foolishness and my sinful nature. I am so grateful. I am humbled by our God. He is a great God.

 

 

I thank him who has given me strength, Christ Jesus our Lord, because he judged me faithful, appointing me to his service, though formerly I was a blasphemer, persecutor, and insolent opponent. But I received mercy because I had acted ignorantly in unbelief, and the grace of our Lord overflowed for me with the faith and love that are in Christ Jesus. The saying is trustworthy and deserving of full acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, of whom I am the foremost. But I received mercy for this reason, that in me, as the foremost, Jesus Christ might display his perfect patience as an example to those who were to believe in him for eternal life. To the King of the ages, immortal, invisible, the only God, be honor and glory forever and ever. Amen.

(1 Timothy 1:12-17 ESV)

The burden of love.

It has been a very emotionally intense couple of days for me. Love comes at a great price and we never really realize how big until something happens and you evaluate how far you would actually go for those you claim you love.

It’s been one of those journeys for me. I had never really understood what the burden of love was before now. Knowing that people you love are on the road to destruction, and you can do nothing but love them and show the affection. It’s very difficult and heart breaking. Now more than ever I understand why it is so important to lift each other up in prayer. Life can drag anyone down, even those we assume have it all under control. It’s a wild ride this life. The more I get into the word, the more drama in my life. I am so grateful to God that He feels I can handle so much, although personally if I were to choose I really wouldn’t let half the things going on happen. But, I am not God and I have no idea what His grand plan is, all I can do is pray and love and repeat.

Remembering those I love in prayer and believing that God is in control. I choose to believe that my coming to God, my faith, is for a purpose. That I may stand in the gap for the ones I love that are oblivious of the path they are on. Now more that ever, I commit to God.  For the sake of those lost and wandering.

Life is short, I pray they find the way before it’s too late. For God has been gracious enough to give us freedom, what we do with it is up to us. All we can do for others is love them, be gracious towards them and pray for them, the rest is up to them(and God).

Cracked but not broken.

I just found out something really horrible and heart breaking about someone I love. I don’t really want to talk about it but I really need prayers. My mind has been racing, I can’t stop crying thinking about how easily things can fall apart. My life is in Christ and i’m safe in Him but what happens when the ones you love choose the opposite? There is really not much I can do for this person because they’ve made their choices and done some things that really can’t be undone. I can’t choose for them, I can’t make them live life they way I wish they would. My heart is breaking thinking of how much regret and pain will come from said choices in the future.

We have all been given the freedom to choose our path, our lives, and when it comes to the people we love, all we can really do is pray and show them love in spite of themselves. I believe that God can change any situation for good, and I really need Him to change this one. I can not give up. I can not let myself be negative. I need the grace to give grace. The grace to love unconditionally. I’m a bit lost right now, for this person and I need the wisdom to handle this thing right.

Right now, I really need all the prayers I can get because I am weak.

No more fear of being watched.

And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.
If we live by the Spirit, let us also keep in step with the Spirit.
(Galatians 5:24-25 ESV)

Don’t watch what I do, I’ll make mistakes. Listen to my words and read His word for guidance and direction. I have found myself saying that a lot. It’s now really bugging me though, don’t watch what I do? How exactly did that make any sense that i’d actually think to say something like that?

We already know the whole, we’re human beings we make mistakes deal, so that’s covered. but what makes us feel that we shouldn’t be watched? imitated, Be examples? Imagining that someone new in faith would look at us. Emulate me. I’m not doing anything bad, I live a pretty okay lifestyle(I could do better I know). But, if my Christianity was to be judged on “my goodness” then heck! i’m very christian, but that’s not what Christianity is. I am supposed to emulate Christ. And as much as I may try to live it completely, I fail sometimes. But that’s not it. After thinking about it for a while, I came to the conclusion that, our fear of being watched, emulated is not really because we are doing or planning to do anything sinful, but us trying to leave a little room just in case. We want to be holy but a little part of us is craving that unholy, that sin, that temptation, so instead of completely walking away, we leave just a little space.

It’s like saying, “Lord, I want to be with you, but how about we leave a few minutes of my day for the devil. Just in case.” We can’t really love God and love the world. We can’t be pure and sin. We have to choose one. This isn’t to say we won’t mess up, but more about giving ourselves up completely to Him. Those little things that make you fear to be watched, because you want to have the freedom to fall back and indulge in them once in a while. Those are the worst. They will make you lose your way completely. It’s time to be courageous and let go of whatever it is that holds us back from giving ourselves completely to God, so that other may learn to do the same. After all we can not have both. It’s either the world and the short term indulgence or our spiritual life.

One will have to die. Which will it be?

Whoever seeks to preserve his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life will keep it.
(Luke 17:33 ESV)


You’re so perfect.

There’s a lot about myself that I hated. The things that I wish I was good at, that i’m so horrible at. Then the things i’m good at which, I thought were a complete waste and pointless, until recently when I realized nothing in my life is a waste. (I have a lot of epiphanies, I wish I could jot them down each time I get one). Anyway,  the other day it hit me I was created! Yeah, I know you know that but do you really know that? I can’t really explain it but, for a second life made sense.

We are created! As much as we are born into the lives we are born into, we have been created. Molded, carefully. This wonderful Artist took His time, writing the story of our lives. We are here for a purpose. He knows that when you try to sing birds die, but He still wants you to sing for Him. He made you with those two left feet, and Yes! He wants you to dance for Him. This awesome God, placed us in the families we are in. Gave us the talents we have. God created us, flaws and all. Those things we call mistakes, defects are perfect to Him. Those things make us human, they are there intentionally. So us going, “my life would be so much better if…” and all those things we think. You look at someone and you see the flaws, which to the Artist are perfection.That’s like telling God He didn’t do a good job the first time and you can do a better job. Whoah! Really? I don’t know about you but that’s not a challenge i’m willing to make. God makes no mistakes. And thinking about it, isn’t mocking a creation by extension mocking the creator  I can imagine an artist/painter would not take it well hearing someone insult his work, now imagine God. If that doesn’t help you respect and show love to His creation…

We have been created to love. That’s our most important purpose.

There’s still so much I am yet to figure out about myself, but now I see how a lot of things I saw as negatives in me are actually positives. My past, my mistakes, people, they may have been there to shape me into who I am supposed to be, but they do not define me. I am defined by God, my Creator. The bigger picture may not be clear, but I now know more than ever before that I am right where I am supposed to be.

We are all perfect, in His eyes.

We rise and we fall, everything falls apart but one thing remains He is our solid rock. He makes no mistakes and in Him we are made perfect. By His grace we are made perfect through Christ. Those things about my life that I thought sucked, are the ones I have to proclaim Him by. If it wasn’t for my mistakes and failures, I wouldn’t have a testimony.

His work is perfect, We are perfect in Him.

Apologies and inspiration

I want to apologize for being absent from the blog for so long. I had intended to post a couple of times last week but my mind has been a little clogged with issues and I didn’t feel like I was in the right place mentally to give any form of advice or journal. Life is so crazy, just when you think you have figured out or have it together it throws you a curve ball. Anyway, I have been doing okay, living in the amazing grace that covers me. Blessed and loved by an amazing God.

I will try and get back on my regular posting schedule but before I do that I have this video(I know you love those). It’s a sermon from a convocation about two weeks ago at Liberty University that is really good and I know it will inspire you.

When you wish it would all end..

Life’s burning issues. Matters of the heart.

They tag and they pull, and strech you to the limit. and just as you think you can take no more, they throw you some more. Till you wish your heart would just give out and save you the pain.

I’ll be honest, I’ve wished it once or twice(or maybe more). Imagined heaven, the peace awaiting me there and just prayed for it all to end.

I completely understand suicide. I understand how someone can get to that place where you’re tired of life, tired of people, tired of always having to try so hard for even the most mundane of things and you  just want it all to end. As much as I have this “my-life-is-not-my-own-so-i-cannot-take-it” mentality. I get it. Sometimes life just sucks! Sometimes, the only thing you can think of is, when will it end?

I’ve had times in my life when I prayed, hours in tears asking God to just take my life. When I couldn’t see any positive outcome no matter where I looked. It’s sad really when I think about those moments, and remember the pain I was in but I am so grateful that God did not answer those prayers because here I am. Today, a joyful me. With only fading memories of those agonizing days. God has a plan for us, the path to it may be rough and sometimes painful but He has a plan and is not about to abandon us on the way to it.

Life sadly, will never be perfect but we have been promised that pain doesn’t last forever. It may be the pits right now, but endure a little bit longer and watch the pain fade to a distant memory. Whatever it is that has you so low. Whatever has you googling ways to kill yourself, or crying all night wondering why you were created in the first place. Whatever it is that has you imagining doing horrible things to someone. It WILL pass. The world will not collapse from under you and your heart won’t explode from the all the pain. Trust me, I know. It will NOT last. Just put your trust in God and He will get you through it. He’s done it for me(even though I never really deserved it) and He will surely do it for you.

Weeping may tarry for the night,

but joy comes with the morning.

Psalm 30:5 esv

Idol worship.

I have posted about this before, but I saw this video on youtube and I was blown away.

Who do you worship? And what is worship anyway? We get so into things and people and we have no time for God. We let ourselves get derailed all in the name of entertainment. If you actually were to step back and look at your life, what would you find on top of your list of priorities? Who or what rules your life? Is it God or is it some earthly thing? We were created to worship Him but we build ourselves idols in the name of money, relationships, e.t.c, and God is left with no where to dwell.

Such a shame the life we have chosen with the freedom given to us by God.

I could say so much but this video says it all. Please watch this and tell me how it makes you feel. Personally, I’m awestruck!

Faith.

Sometimes, logic isn’t so logical

Sometimes, the obvious, not so obvious.

Sometimes, thinking may lead you astray.

Sometimes, the heart should show you the way.

We have been brought up in a world where logic rules.

In a word where imagination and the unexplainable are tossed out the window like trash.

In a world where everything is expected to make sense.

Irony of it though is that this same world is obsessed with love(never mind the fact that it is confused with lust most of the time).

Can love be explained? Does it even make sense how you can care about someone so much to the point of putting their safety before your own? That makes no sense to me at all. Yet we still love, immensely with everything we have.

Why then is it so hard to have faith in God?

Sure it makes no sense, I don’t know how I feel what I do for Him.

I can’t really explain what I believe to be true but I do.

Logic says, send some guys to research on the bible and it’s authenticity. Check that story of Jesus out, did He really live?

And when the results say He is real. We go try confirm that He actually did die.

Logic.

I’d rather be illogical when it comes to my faith. I’d rather not make sense to people around me.

I know in my heart that God is. I know Jesus, died and I know he resurrected.

I believe all of this not because they make sense or because I can explain it but because my heart says to.

I believe.

That’s all there is to it, and I’m fine with that.

Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen. For by it the people of old received their commendation. By faith we understand that the universe was created by the word of God, so that what is seen was not made out of things that are visible.
(Hebrews 11:1-3 ESV)