No more fear of being watched.

And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.
If we live by the Spirit, let us also keep in step with the Spirit.
(Galatians 5:24-25 ESV)

Don’t watch what I do, I’ll make mistakes. Listen to my words and read His word for guidance and direction. I have found myself saying that a lot. It’s now really bugging me though, don’t watch what I do? How exactly did that make any sense that i’d actually think to say something like that?

We already know the whole, we’re human beings we make mistakes deal, so that’s covered. but what makes us feel that we shouldn’t be watched? imitated, Be examples? Imagining that someone new in faith would look at us. Emulate me. I’m not doing anything bad, I live a pretty okay lifestyle(I could do better I know). But, if my Christianity was to be judged on “my goodness” then heck! i’m very christian, but that’s not what Christianity is. I am supposed to emulate Christ. And as much as I may try to live it completely, I fail sometimes. But that’s not it. After thinking about it for a while, I came to the conclusion that, our fear of being watched, emulated is not really because we are doing or planning to do anything sinful, but us trying to leave a little room just in case. We want to be holy but a little part of us is craving that unholy, that sin, that temptation, so instead of completely walking away, we leave just a little space.

It’s like saying, “Lord, I want to be with you, but how about we leave a few minutes of my day for the devil. Just in case.” We can’t really love God and love the world. We can’t be pure and sin. We have to choose one. This isn’t to say we won’t mess up, but more about giving ourselves up completely to Him. Those little things that make you fear to be watched, because you want to have the freedom to fall back and indulge in them once in a while. Those are the worst. They will make you lose your way completely. It’s time to be courageous and let go of whatever it is that holds us back from giving ourselves completely to God, so that other may learn to do the same. After all we can not have both. It’s either the world and the short term indulgence or our spiritual life.

One will have to die. Which will it be?

Whoever seeks to preserve his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life will keep it.
(Luke 17:33 ESV)


You’re so perfect.

There’s a lot about myself that I hated. The things that I wish I was good at, that i’m so horrible at. Then the things i’m good at which, I thought were a complete waste and pointless, until recently when I realized nothing in my life is a waste. (I have a lot of epiphanies, I wish I could jot them down each time I get one). Anyway,  the other day it hit me I was created! Yeah, I know you know that but do you really know that? I can’t really explain it but, for a second life made sense.

We are created! As much as we are born into the lives we are born into, we have been created. Molded, carefully. This wonderful Artist took His time, writing the story of our lives. We are here for a purpose. He knows that when you try to sing birds die, but He still wants you to sing for Him. He made you with those two left feet, and Yes! He wants you to dance for Him. This awesome God, placed us in the families we are in. Gave us the talents we have. God created us, flaws and all. Those things we call mistakes, defects are perfect to Him. Those things make us human, they are there intentionally. So us going, “my life would be so much better if…” and all those things we think. You look at someone and you see the flaws, which to the Artist are perfection.That’s like telling God He didn’t do a good job the first time and you can do a better job. Whoah! Really? I don’t know about you but that’s not a challenge i’m willing to make. God makes no mistakes. And thinking about it, isn’t mocking a creation by extension mocking the creator  I can imagine an artist/painter would not take it well hearing someone insult his work, now imagine God. If that doesn’t help you respect and show love to His creation…

We have been created to love. That’s our most important purpose.

There’s still so much I am yet to figure out about myself, but now I see how a lot of things I saw as negatives in me are actually positives. My past, my mistakes, people, they may have been there to shape me into who I am supposed to be, but they do not define me. I am defined by God, my Creator. The bigger picture may not be clear, but I now know more than ever before that I am right where I am supposed to be.

We are all perfect, in His eyes.

We rise and we fall, everything falls apart but one thing remains He is our solid rock. He makes no mistakes and in Him we are made perfect. By His grace we are made perfect through Christ. Those things about my life that I thought sucked, are the ones I have to proclaim Him by. If it wasn’t for my mistakes and failures, I wouldn’t have a testimony.

His work is perfect, We are perfect in Him.

Apologies and inspiration

I want to apologize for being absent from the blog for so long. I had intended to post a couple of times last week but my mind has been a little clogged with issues and I didn’t feel like I was in the right place mentally to give any form of advice or journal. Life is so crazy, just when you think you have figured out or have it together it throws you a curve ball. Anyway, I have been doing okay, living in the amazing grace that covers me. Blessed and loved by an amazing God.

I will try and get back on my regular posting schedule but before I do that I have this video(I know you love those). It’s a sermon from a convocation about two weeks ago at Liberty University that is really good and I know it will inspire you.

All you need to do is ask

I am in awe of Him. I honestly don’t have any idea how to explain how I became the person I am today in comparison to who I was even a week ago. I know a lot of people would say that it’s growing up or any number of explanations, but there’s so much more to the change I constantly go through in my mind and spirit.

I have never been much of a pray for people type of person, I cared about people and all but it didn’t really affect me as much(their lives and all that). This days though, I find myself feeling immensely invested in people even those I don’t know. I feel this need to pray for people, and I can’t even tell you how many times I have found myself crying for people I don’t even know. I am way too connected to my emotional side nowadays, more that I can even try to explain.

I pray for change in me daily. I pray for maturity in my faith, and courage to do what has been set for me in this journey. Despite the fact that I know that God hears and He answers prayers, I still get really amazed when I see change in me. It’s beyond anything and everything. A lot of us, know that God can mould us into who we are meant to be, but we don’t really believe it. He says, ask and you shall receive, seek and you shall find, if only we would believe that. There’s so much He has in store for us.

The one thing my grandmother(who is my number one inspiration), has always told me is to pray. Prayer is our primary way of communicating with God. So I pray, when I’m walking, or at my desk in the office, I pray. I have prayed for everything imaginable. I can be very silly when it comes to that sometimes but, even the most trivial of desires are desires still. So, I lay it all down. I know that God is sovereign and He is God and He deserves all the honour, glory and respect but, I also knows that God loves me and knows my heart. I can’t pretend not to want because He already knows what’s in my heart, so the one primary thing I have learnt to do is pray that he changes my heart to want what He want for me. To live how He wants me to live. To serve those He want me to serve. So His will for my life can come to pass. As I continue to pray for my life and the lives that are affected by mine(which includes you), I continue to see a change in me. I am still so far from a true reflection of Christ but, I am also very far from the person I used to be.

I am grateful to God for this far He has brought me. I am in awe of what He has done and humbled by all I know He is capable of.

I know God can change hearts, He changed mine. He showed me love like I never knew before. I also know He can do that for anyone else who asks. That’s all you need to do. No fancy language or vocabulary. Just you talking to your Father and creator. Sharing your deepest secrets and desires with your one true love. He is the best friend of all best friends. The one that will never disappoint. I am truly in love with Him. He listens, He leads and He answers prayers so, if you want to know His love just ask.

“Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened. Or which one of you, if his son asks him for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a serpent? If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him!
(Matthew 7:7-11 ESV)

I’m happy for you….. but..

I’ve had a pretty normal day. Well as normal as a day at work can be, and I was in a pretty chill mood until I saw something online.

I was checking out one of my networks pages and just like that my mood changed. I started wondering what I have been doing with my life. Why I wasted so much time with the silly things when I could have done something meaningful with my time and random stuff like that. Now that I think about it, it’s funny. But a few minutes ago I was on the verge of spontaneously combusting from all the thoughts that were running through my mind.

I want all this stuff but really I don’t want them, I just think they look good from across the fence. Doesn’t everything? Honestly, being a human being is a hilarious ride when you really think about it because, I’m really happy for this girl. Her life is working out really fabulously for her and she is such a wonderful role model when it comes to a life dedicated to Christ. I don’t really want her life, or her career or any of that it’s just that every time I end up on her page I feel like a complete under achiever.

Why do we do that? Why do we let other peoples lives be a yard stick for our own? Why do we compare when we know no two of us are really alike? That we are build from completely different circumstances and have different goal and destinies planned ahead for us by God?

I really don’t get it at all, most confusing thing about is that it happens every single time I interact with her. She really inspires me and I love her and i’m very happy for her but for those two minutes after I check her websites or speak to her or whatever, I feel absolutely terrible about myself.

It’s ridiculously hilarious but I do that. I know I’m not alone and I know if you’re like me you feel absolutely horrible about it. But I’ve come to find a way to deal with it so it doesn’t last long or go negative.

1. Pray about it. Thank God for what you have and ask Him to bless whoever it is you are envious or beating yourself up about. Also ask that He lead you and direct you that you may achieve His purpose and will for your life.

2. Tell the person how proud you are of the things you admire about them. Don’t turn into an internal thing you battle with. Shout it out because as much as the person may be doing so well they may not feel like they are.

3. Focus on a project or whatever it is you feel you have neglected. Don’t waste all that energy on negative thoughts of times past, use it positively.

4. Pray.. 🙂 yes again!

This stuff  happen to the best of us, the problem comes in when you get negative and wish it for yourself or think negative thought about someone because of what they have or far they’ve gone in their lives. Just be happy for them, genuinely happy for them and it will pass.

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant
(1 Corinthians 13:4 ESV)

Called to L-O-V-E.

I can’t stop singing to God even when i’m sinning against Him. I feel so flawed so dirty so unworthy. But I have no where else to turn so I bow my head in shame and cry..

I have this habit of retracting from society and hiding away by myself when things start slipping from me. It’s a bad habit. I know I should always be with people, especially in those low moments,  but I find myself seeking solitude and although sometimes I pick myself up immediately. Other times I find myself falling even lower and it’s sad. It’s sad that I feel safe alone, sad that with all the experiences and things I’ve witnessed I find it hard to be completely be honest with people. I know no one is perfect and I have never expected anyone to be, and I have also tried to share my imperfections, mostly because of this deep fear of becoming a hypocrite.

I don’t want to appear to be something i’m out. yet i’m not completely comfortable exposing all my flaws and short comings. See I believe Jesus died for my sins, I believe He died that I may have life and live without shame. But looking at people and how they react to things, seeing how fellow Christians act towards those who have fallen short in one way or the other makes it really difficult for me to come out and say, “hey, see I did that too. I messed up, can you walk with me through this”.

Maybe i’m the problem, maybe I have trust issues..

Wait, I can’t be the only problem. Despite the fact that I may not be so okay with full disclosure because of my own issues and things in my life, I know for a fact that there is a problem out there as well. I know that there is judgement, I know there is condemnation and chastising in some places among certain Christian communities and I don’t understand why.

I want to give myself fully to God. Live my live fully for Him. Stay pure and be a positive impact for Him in every place I go, but I fail. I mess up A LOT  and I just want to be okay with crying to someone when I’m feeling that shame when I’ve done something stupid and not have to worry about what happens to me next. Stories of people being kicked out of churches for being pregnant, or being treated strange by fellow members of the church for whatever thing they did. Honestly! By the time someone is coming to you to confess, they already know they did wrong the guilt tripping and hoops, just crazy! My sins were forgiven, I am a new creation in Christ. Why do you choose to punish me when the punishment was already taken care of?

It’s one thing to correct and a whole other thing to condemn. We all have sinned, we still sin but God because of His amazing grace and mercy gave His son for us. Yet we choose to put each other through that again? It makes no sense to me.

I am a big advocate of love. I truly believe love changes things. I believe showing love and grace is the only way to go. None of us deserve anything yet we were shown mercy and given life. It shouldn’t be such a task to do the same for others.

We need to put Christ back on top. He has to come first. That’s the only way we’ll remember to show love and mercy.

We need God. For our relationships and interactions to be genuine and loving.

God has to come first. So that before you judge someone you empathize and try to see through their eyes.

So that we may be able to guide each other in love and teach each other.

It breaks my heart to imagine the many who suffer through secret sin because they fear they’ll lose friends(in church). Or those who live in shame because they have no one to tell them they have nothing to be ashamed of, that it was all taken care of at the cross. Christ has to be greater in us. Live like He lived, and love like He loved.

We are called to love. Let us love.

We cannot claim to serve a God who is love and have no love in us.

Love is so much more that words, it’s manifested in our everyday life and interactions. In our relationships.

Healed!

It’s been such a crazy week/two not even sure but I know it was painful and I am so grateful  to be here healthy and strong and able to read all the blogs! Woohoo! I am indeed joyous! I can talk, I can sing, I can shout, I can eat, I can walk about! I’ve got a reason to dance and shout!

 

Psalms 98

1 Sing to the Lord a new song,
for he has done marvelous things;
his right hand and his holy arm
have worked salvation for him.

2 The Lord has made his salvation known
and revealed his righteousness to the nations.

3 He has remembered his love
and his faithfulness to Israel;
all the ends of the earth have seen
the salvation of our God.

4 Shout for joy to the Lord, all the earth,
burst into jubilant song with music;

5 make music to the Lord with the harp,
with the harp and the sound of singing,

6 with trumpets and the blast of the ram’s horn—
shout for joy before the Lord, the King.

7 Let the sea resound, and everything in it,
the world, and all who live in it.

8 Let the rivers clap their hands,
let the mountains sing together for joy;

 

What’s your reason to have joy today?

Losing myself

A couple of months ago I chose to live a committed life. To start acting right. To stop hurting Christ.

Like most christian my age, No. Actually just Christians in general, I had been living wrong. Christian by name and not by deeds. I always had all these excuses about why I couldn’t live as dictated in the bible. Wanting to be worldly and do what everyone else was doing. After all “I’m young right? I could always change tomorrow.”

But my conscience was killing me. I couldn’t stand the things the society considers normal. The life I was leading was slowly rejecting me. With little things like the smell of alcohol making me sick, and a growing desire to interact and share with those that followed Christ.
My heart kept pushing me till all of a sudden, I realized I hadn’t drunk in months and had no desire to.

It’s funny really when you think about it. I wasn’t even trying, but God kept nudging me and pulling me to Him. The satisfaction I feel now, the joy I have in my relationship with Him, is beyond anything I had ever experienced or imagined.

I’m still not perfect don’t get me wrong, and I actually have nothing against a little alcohol (I will discuss this on a later post), but now my greatest desire is to know God.

To lose myself in Him.