My Prayer

Dear God,
May I constantly grow. In maturity, in faith in love and in all aspects of my life. I refuse to regress. I refuse to stay on a plateau. My life will not be stunted. My spirituality will always represent you and the person you want me to be. Lord, grow me and shape me. Mould me into the person you see when you look at me. My lfe is yours, freely I give it. Fully I surrender to your will.
Amen.

When I can’t focus…

It’s so easy to get frustrated and angry when we watch the news and take a look at the world we live in. Every single day, terrible things happen. All this stupid, stupid things humanity keeps doing. Self harm. We live in such a lost planet, and it’s really challenging knowing what we know. About God, about His truth, about the world and all that is to be done(according to His word). It can be really difficult living, just being alive in such a dark world. Being the light isn’t as easy as some people make it to be. Living right, we all know isn’t easy at all. It’s a lot easier to just give up on humanity. To forget our calling to love, to forgive and live harmoniously with all.

When it get’s to that point for me there are some things that throw things back into perspective. Scripture and music. I love music, but honestly there are times even music doesn’t soothe my restless heart. So I look for friends to talk to. Thanks to online church campuses, facebook, twitter, and christian chats we have a large variety of options when we don’t have anyone physically to talk to. So I talk to people, and they share their faith and my heart gets focused back on Him. The bible does say’ “For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them.” Our God loves fellowship, unity among men. It’s such a beautiful thing. We are not expected to go it alone, we are the church. Not me, or you by yourself but all of us. We are the bride and we need each other to fulfill His will for us(the bride).

It’s a cold, crazy, scary world we live in, but together we can overcome anything with Him by our side. I’m really grateful to Him for all of you who make this beautiful family and who keep me focused on Him. My Father, my King.

What do you do to keep the faith? When everything is making you angry and impatient? How do you turn your focus back on Him?

Don’t bring me down!

 

Anger, frustration! That seems to be the order of the day. You start to settle into the good place and whoosh! A new a more powerful whirlwind comes in and tries to blow you away. This life we live, is something special. This life we live, a blessing, yet so bitter sweet. The bible teaches us, to enjoy the tough times, for they too are a blessing. In every negative situation is a brand new reason to be grateful to God. Another chance to revel in His awesome. But in those down moments we tend to get so obsessed with the situation that we miss out on the bigger picture. It might be small, it may need a keener look at, it it is never lacking. Take a closer look. Before you let a person or a situation turn in into a raging volcano. Before you say something really stupid. Before you “unforgive” that person for the hundredth time. Put your focus back on Him. Do not let yourself be dragged back into an angry place, a dark place. 

Today, I refuse to be brought down by anything. I will show love no matter how hard it is. I will be kind no matter how undeserved it is. I will represent my God in the best way I can. Devil, you can’t bring me down!

Stopping by to say hi.. :)

I figured I should write something for the sake of my “I promise to write more post” I wrote not so long ago. I could give a list of excuses for why I haven’t posted more, but I really don’t have any. The truth is in the last couple of posts I have made. I just haven’t been  there spiritually, and in my journey to getting to that good place I haven’t really had any good or positive things to say. I really don’t want to be the one throwing negativity and darkness online because we have enough of that already, plus I’ve lived that life and I prefer to stay away from “that” person I once was. So I’m getting back to the okay place,  and I pray that God gives me the strength to move, and grow in my spiritual and physical life. Until then, I can’t promise regular, daily posts, once a week is more likely. So again, I’m really sorry for my diminished presence online, but I assure you it’s all going to work for my good. And I’m getting there for sure!!!

Hope everyone is doing okay.

I’m adding this video of a song I really love and blesses me. Jesus Culture are really fantastic, if you haven’t listened to their stuff you should check them out.

 

Oh Lord, You’re beautiful by Jesus Culture

and the verse for today is,

    But by the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace toward me was not in vain. On the contrary, I worked harder than any of them, though it was not I, but the grace of God that is with me.
(1 Corinthians 15:10 ESV)

Catch up..

 

I’m so sorry for my lack of posts lately. I started a new job and it took me a while to readjust myself schedule wise and even when I was online I ended up doing more pinning that anything else. (for shame!)

Anyway, I’m doing alright. Happy and blessed and really inspired for no apparent reason.

I’m really learning to be humble lately, I was used to doing a certain job and now I want to shift career lines so I had to pick something that to be honest I never thought I’d ever doing just so I have a foundation towards my new career. It’s funny how I have prayed for humility for so long then God gives me this particular job. When it was offered to me I was really amused, I knew it was my lesson my test and I came here and chose to give it what I have because I know God has put me here as an answer to my prayer. I am humbled and I love it. I should also add that I really like the job. The people here are so nice and friendly.

I’m grateful to God for my prayer answered and I pray that I learn to listen to Him in everything that happens in my life. He is awesome and He listens and answers prayers. All you have to do is ask.

The verse for today comes from,

Hebrews 4:14-16

14 Since then we have a great high priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus, the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession. 15 For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been Tempted as we are, yet without sin. 16 Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.

This has really uplifted me and I thought I share it today. A guy was passing by our office and saw me reading my bible and shared it with me yesterday. He made my day.

 

I’m alive!

I  get this recurring illness, nothing serious to most people but when I get it, my whole world stops. Ever since I was little I remember, I would get really sick really often and as I grew older it happened less and less but the pain.. I can’t describe how bad it can get but, it’s hard for me to get around or talk. The one thing I can say is it feels like dying, a long painful agonizing process.

I can’t believe that people go through worse than this, with the more serious life threatening diseases out there. If I were to choose between death and going through this over and over again on the long term, I honestly would rather die. The bible says be grateful in all situations and I am! I don’t want anyone to assume that because i’m talking about my pain means i’m not grateful. I have so many things i’m thankful for, and I also i’m not complaining. I’m just saying life is a crazy ride. And ever since I can remember I have had to take a week off life and wallow in pain for something a lot of people get, but don’t suffer so much with. Only a small fraction of people have actually experienced the horrible side and every time I meet someone and I can’t talk or i’m just in pain. They can’t see how this thing they had a two day ache with can cause anyone so much pain, it sucks.

It’s sucks that we have to suffer. It sucks that I have to go through this crap once a year or whenever i’m stressed out. It sucks that there’s people with more painful sicknesses than this. Life sucks, but i’m alive so I say thanks. Through the tears and the pain, I say thanks because i’d rather be the one in pain than see my little sister going through this. I say thanks because, despite the fact that I may wish to die a couple of time a day when the pain gets really bad, my heart is still beating and I know that I will get better eventually.

Life is hard but whether it’s through death or healing or second chances, the pain stops at some point. Thank God for that.

Please read the entire Psalms 30

zoom in to verse 5 and it says,

For his anger is but for a moment,
and his favor is for a lifetime.
Weeping may tarry for the night,
but joy comes with the morning.
(Psalm 30:5 ESV)

**please pray for my healing

Keeping the momentum.

I can’t really explain it by my Christian life has always been quite easy.  I prayed for change and God gave it to me. My flaws my personal battles were all so much simpler.

Then this year begun, 2012, and everything changed, now it all feels so difficult. I seem to keep falling, constantly seeking forgiveness for things I haven’t done in years. My past sins seem to be chasing me down.

It really scared me, watching this downward spiral I seemed to be on so I took a step back and looked at my life how I’ve been living it for the past month.

Its really interesting and frightening to see how easily it is to fall away from faith. I’m not saying I have, and I’m really grateful to God for giving me the ability to see my life and to be honest with myself about right and wrong because without that I would be so far gone. Anyway, I’m just saying that within a month I have been able to go so many steps back from my salvation just because of certain lifestyle choices that society deems normal and okay. Maybe it was the holidays and the whole family being around or maybe I was just looking for an excuse but I ended up listening to music I don’t listen to anymore, watching shows I  don’t watch and soon enough my mind went straight to things I haven’t thought in a while. And it was suddenly okay for those few minutes to think those things, do those things.

Media has a lot of power and if we don’t control it it controls us. When I let things in my head, through my favorite shows, through music, through my interactions (physical or otherwise), they become my thoughts. The thoughts grow and consume me and before I know it  things that I haven’t struggled with become a problem. Things that never tempted me before become addictions. It’s really crazy how it works but the fact is, it does. You watch a lot of sensual material, you won’t be thinking about vegetables all day – trust me. What we let in becomes us and it’s so important to watch out. Watch what you let yourself see, watch what you let yourself hear, they become your thoughts and your thoughts consume your heart.

Don’t tempt yourself.

James 1:13-15 NIV

When tempted, no one should say, “God is tempting me.” For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; but each person is tempted when they are dragged away by their own evil desire and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.

Missionary Frustration..

So I told you guys how I want to go on a Nissan couple of months ago and honestly, I’ve been on this frantic search for my match and I am frustrated to some epic proportions.  I can’t seem to find anything, and considering how many missionary agencies there are out there – it’s just crazy – I guess I just expected to have found something by now.
I could use some pointers and suggestions from any missionaries out there.

How badly do you want to know me?

I’ve been thinking about this for a while, loving God with all our hearts, minds and might. What does that mean to you?

a lot of times we’ll say we  want to know God, to be like Him but our actions don’t say the same.

How bad do you want God? Do you wake up yearning to talk to Him? Do you make time for Him? Do you read your bible regularly or is it used only during sermons? A lot of times we get so caught up in the world that we forget to give God our time. And as much as God wants to have a relationship with us, He can’t force us to have one. Everything is a choice. How awesome is He that He give us such freedom? Sadly though we misuse that freedom.

How badly do you want to know God? Is it just verbal or can all see it?

stuck like magic glue.

I am an introvert, a thinker. I spend most days staring at nothing pondering on what life is and what it could blossom into. Blossom, well, not always the word for the thoughts in my head, sometimes no. Most times I’m thinking what life will wither into. The darkness and gloom that hovers over me. The pain and hurt, crashing me into a ball of  negativity and hopelessness.

Life, funny little thing it is. One day, you’re up, another your down, but some things remain constant. Depending on the environment and the things you are exposed to some negative things, will always haunt you.

Labels.

Since the whole campaign began, I haven’t really thought about labels to be honest. I chose my safe route, the escape. Houdini has nothing on me I tell you. But today, my labels hit me smack in the face. I couldn’t run and I won’t run, at least not today.

Passionless, worthless and lacking in direction. Words stuck to my shadow, like ghosts they haunt me, in my moments of quiet reflection. Stuck to me like glue. As much as I’d like to say, I know I am not any of those things, the words have been thrown at me for so long that I believe them.

I feel it now more than ever, feels like I’m wasting away, wasting breath, wasting a life. I wonder if I will ever actually do that which is purposed for my life? Or will I just roam about the planet only to discover my life is over and I need to answer to my maker.

I don’t really want to think like that, those who have been reading my blog know that I always choose to follow the positive route in most situations. This though, is a difficult one. When I have all these people around me declaring their plans for my life, all the things they had imagined and envisioned and then I throw in my “little” plans. The obvious disappointment in their faces. The condescension from those who have apparently “made it” in life. The hints that my plans are not enough, not worth the mention. It breaks my heart.

The thing is despite the fact that I know that God has grand plans for me. Despite the fact that I know that my vision and plans are good and for the glory of God, I still let people make me feel like trash. I let my goals, my plans, my calling be overshadowed by other people ideas. I let them be drowned in societal ideals. I let myself be dragged down to the ground by words, by looks, by suggestions. Just because my idea of success does not revolve around money and material things, just because I choose to be different from everyone else, I am labeled passionless and lacking in direction and I take it?!

It ends now! No more.

No more, letting everyone else drown God in me.

No more, listening and believing lies about me.

No more doubting God’s presence and control of my life.

I’m done!

I am not of this world, I am His and this world will NOT decide who I am and what I am meant to be.

He has a plan for my life, He has a purpose for my life, I am called, and I am loved. The world and all the societal noise… Now just noise, white noise.