I’m happy for you….. but..

I’ve had a pretty normal day. Well as normal as a day at work can be, and I was in a pretty chill mood until I saw something online.

I was checking out one of my networks pages and just like that my mood changed. I started wondering what I have been doing with my life. Why I wasted so much time with the silly things when I could have done something meaningful with my time and random stuff like that. Now that I think about it, it’s funny. But a few minutes ago I was on the verge of spontaneously combusting from all the thoughts that were running through my mind.

I want all this stuff but really I don’t want them, I just think they look good from across the fence. Doesn’t everything? Honestly, being a human being is a hilarious ride when you really think about it because, I’m really happy for this girl. Her life is working out really fabulously for her and she is such a wonderful role model when it comes to a life dedicated to Christ. I don’t really want her life, or her career or any of that it’s just that every time I end up on her page I feel like a complete under achiever.

Why do we do that? Why do we let other peoples lives be a yard stick for our own? Why do we compare when we know no two of us are really alike? That we are build from completely different circumstances and have different goal and destinies planned ahead for us by God?

I really don’t get it at all, most confusing thing about is that it happens every single time I interact with her. She really inspires me and I love her and i’m very happy for her but for those two minutes after I check her websites or speak to her or whatever, I feel absolutely terrible about myself.

It’s ridiculously hilarious but I do that. I know I’m not alone and I know if you’re like me you feel absolutely horrible about it. But I’ve come to find a way to deal with it so it doesn’t last long or go negative.

1. Pray about it. Thank God for what you have and ask Him to bless whoever it is you are envious or beating yourself up about. Also ask that He lead you and direct you that you may achieve His purpose and will for your life.

2. Tell the person how proud you are of the things you admire about them. Don’t turn into an internal thing you battle with. Shout it out because as much as the person may be doing so well they may not feel like they are.

3. Focus on a project or whatever it is you feel you have neglected. Don’t waste all that energy on negative thoughts of times past, use it positively.

4. Pray.. 🙂 yes again!

This stuff  happen to the best of us, the problem comes in when you get negative and wish it for yourself or think negative thought about someone because of what they have or far they’ve gone in their lives. Just be happy for them, genuinely happy for them and it will pass.

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant
(1 Corinthians 13:4 ESV)

Midweek inspiration

This weeks inspiration will be a little bit different. I decided instead of sharing a sermon, I share a book I recently(last night) started reading that has really inspired me. Rid of my disgrace by Justin s. Holcomb and Lindsey A. Holcomb, I’m not sure how many of you have read it, if you haven’t I would really recommend it. It’s a really well researched moving book about sexual assault victims.

It has really opened my eyes, and helped me understand so much about the emotions and basically the life of an assaulted person. We take a lot for granted and most of the time we don’t even know how to react to someone in their state of trauma. This book, puts you in their shoes, and let’s you see and feel what they feel and will definitely improve how we reach out to them and hasten their healing.

You can get the book here.

I refuse to fake it..

I don’t want to be an emotionalist, a sensationalist.

To rely solely on what I feel and be all excitable about things because of other peoples attitudes towards it.

Or because of their emotional reactions or sensationalization.

I want my faith and relationship with God to be real. To be consistent. Whether the environment is positive or negative, hot or cold. Whether those around me are excited or not.

I want to rely solely on God for my spiritual fulfilment, for my joy.I don’t want to rely on sweet music or pretty words to get me excited to spend time with God. I want my worship to be authentic. I want to be true to God. I want my faith to be sound. I want it to depend on God and since God is consistent and never changes, neither should my faith in Him. Neither should my worship or my reliance on Him.

I pray all this, for myself and also for you. That we may be able to be true to God, and that we may be able to discern what is real from what is just mere showmanship. I pray that we may have pure hearts that we may not be swayed or fooled. Wisdom, to enable us to see what is from God, and what is not. Hearts that are always yearning to please God so that we may be the light of the world.

Create in me a clean heart, O God,
and renew a right spirit within me.
Cast me not away from your presence,
and take not your Holy Spirit from me.
Restore to me the joy of your salvation,
and uphold me with a willing spirit.
Then I will teach transgressors your ways,
and sinners will return to you.
(Psalm 51:10-13 ESV)

Faith.

Sometimes, logic isn’t so logical

Sometimes, the obvious, not so obvious.

Sometimes, thinking may lead you astray.

Sometimes, the heart should show you the way.

We have been brought up in a world where logic rules.

In a word where imagination and the unexplainable are tossed out the window like trash.

In a world where everything is expected to make sense.

Irony of it though is that this same world is obsessed with love(never mind the fact that it is confused with lust most of the time).

Can love be explained? Does it even make sense how you can care about someone so much to the point of putting their safety before your own? That makes no sense to me at all. Yet we still love, immensely with everything we have.

Why then is it so hard to have faith in God?

Sure it makes no sense, I don’t know how I feel what I do for Him.

I can’t really explain what I believe to be true but I do.

Logic says, send some guys to research on the bible and it’s authenticity. Check that story of Jesus out, did He really live?

And when the results say He is real. We go try confirm that He actually did die.

Logic.

I’d rather be illogical when it comes to my faith. I’d rather not make sense to people around me.

I know in my heart that God is. I know Jesus, died and I know he resurrected.

I believe all of this not because they make sense or because I can explain it but because my heart says to.

I believe.

That’s all there is to it, and I’m fine with that.

Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen. For by it the people of old received their commendation. By faith we understand that the universe was created by the word of God, so that what is seen was not made out of things that are visible.
(Hebrews 11:1-3 ESV)

I’ll love you.. from a far.

People are difficult right? I’ve thought that everyday of my life and i’m sure you have too.

Human beings are some kind of complicated. I know I am. I get moody, and sometimes I just don’t feel like anything or anyone.

Thing with me is, I have been blessed with a permanent smile on my face. I find laughter in everything(well almost), so I can easily mask my anger with laughter or a smile. Some people are just foul when they are in a bad mood.

Anyway, I’m really not here to talk about moods today, I’m talking about friendships and relationships in general. People can be a tad difficult to understand when it comes to relating with them. We can’t really be friends with everyone, but how do you know if you truelly are your friends friends? We live in a world where nothing is really ever clear. Where people are rarely ever genuine and some people are yet to grasp that. So you give one hundred percent to someone and they give you nothing and you call them a friend? That makes no sense at all. Being a christians means we have to love EVERYONE, it doesn’t mean you should let yourself be treated like a door mat. Used as the said “friends” feel like. It’s okay to care for people, I really care for people but honestly if a relationship only brings you down then is it really worth it?

Proverbs 27:6
Wounds from a sincere friend are better than many kisses from an enemy.

You cannot really grow as a person, when your thoughts are always on hurt and pain caused by people. You cannot grow when the people you surround yourself with are stuck in a childish place.We all have genuine people, people that will be honest, people who help you improve, and lead you towards your goals. Even that one person that we can trust, and if not, we have prayer. Honestly, I believe that when it comes to those we interact closely with it’s better to be alone or with few people you trust than be among many and you can trust none of them.

I know a lot of people but I choose to love a lot of people from a far. This means, I will be there for them when they are in need but I don’t rely on them or have any expectation of them for my anything. In time, we all grow and figure out which friends fall where, but if you haven’t yet, you need to really pray and meditate on it lest they make you slip up or lose the way towards your dreams or destiny.

Life is too precious to waste on making relationships that were not meant to be close knit appear to be so. If you love all unconditionally and live a life focused on your purpose and God will not let you fall on the way side. He is after all our true love and friend.

Here are a few verses on friendship and what you can look for in your relationships.

Proverbs 18:24
There are “friends” who destroy each other, but a real friend sticks closer than a brother.

Proverbs 13:20

He who walks with wise men will be wise, But the companion of fools will suffer harm.

Proverbs 17:17

A friend loves at all times, And a brother is born for adversity.

Galatians 6:2

Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ

Proverbs 27:9-10

Oil and perfume make the heart glad,

and the sweetness of a friend comes from his earnest counsel.

Do not forsake your friend and your father’s friend,
and do not go to your brother’s house in the day of your calamity.
Better is a neighbor who is near
than a brother who is far away.

It’s not about me.

It’s not about me.

It’s not about me!

It’s not about me!

I forget.

I forgot.

I let myself get caught up again. In all the drama and the nonesense of the world.

I am human. Stupidly human. Completely imperfect.

Yet in my imperfection is perfection, His perfection.

I lost sight of it, for a little while.

I forgot.

But like He does always, He reminded me.

It’s not about me!

It’s not about me..

It really is NOT about me.

I love God so much, and I choose the world sometimes.

But He loves me so much more, so He leads me back to Him.

It is so unbelievable how much mercy and grace He has for me.

He takes me in my lowest. He finds me in the darkness, when no one even knows i’m lost.

He knows me and shows me love.

I am so humbled. In awe of His love.

So tonight, for the umpteenth time I am reminded that it’s about God.

My life and everything is about His will.

So my prayer, the one I seem to have forgotten to pray for a while.

“Lord, may your will be done in my life. Amen”

Tests, and gratitude.

Life sometimes feels like a tornado sweeping through. A beautiful mess.

I’m looking for something positive to say, this week has been quite a trip. Honestly, I don’t even know what to say. If it wasn’t for my life, my health and family and all that good stuff I would have just gone insane. I’m not so sure about my liking of surprises anymore. I am officially one of those who like to know what’s about to happen before it happens. A let’s plan it out first type. Quite strange considering I have been pretty random in my previous life.. ha!

I don’t know what’s going on, but I really hope I figure it out. Or that it’s just a random week and next week will be normal again.

Anyway, I’m trying to keep it positive. Believe that there is a lesson in each of those things that have happened. It’s not easy especially when the stuff is happening so frequently but I still have so much be happy for. So much to thank God for. So i  pray that I have the wisdom to see the lessons in every situation and I pray the same for you.

It can get pretty wild when it seems you have absolutely no control of your own life, but when all is said and done we need to remember that God does have the control and He would never do anything to hurt us. So be encouraged, as I am in knowing that He is thinking of us.

 

Jeremiah 29:11

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

 

Catch up..

 

I’m so sorry for my lack of posts lately. I started a new job and it took me a while to readjust myself schedule wise and even when I was online I ended up doing more pinning that anything else. (for shame!)

Anyway, I’m doing alright. Happy and blessed and really inspired for no apparent reason.

I’m really learning to be humble lately, I was used to doing a certain job and now I want to shift career lines so I had to pick something that to be honest I never thought I’d ever doing just so I have a foundation towards my new career. It’s funny how I have prayed for humility for so long then God gives me this particular job. When it was offered to me I was really amused, I knew it was my lesson my test and I came here and chose to give it what I have because I know God has put me here as an answer to my prayer. I am humbled and I love it. I should also add that I really like the job. The people here are so nice and friendly.

I’m grateful to God for my prayer answered and I pray that I learn to listen to Him in everything that happens in my life. He is awesome and He listens and answers prayers. All you have to do is ask.

The verse for today comes from,

Hebrews 4:14-16

14 Since then we have a great high priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus, the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession. 15 For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been Tempted as we are, yet without sin. 16 Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.

This has really uplifted me and I thought I share it today. A guy was passing by our office and saw me reading my bible and shared it with me yesterday. He made my day.

 

Called to L-O-V-E.

I can’t stop singing to God even when i’m sinning against Him. I feel so flawed so dirty so unworthy. But I have no where else to turn so I bow my head in shame and cry..

I have this habit of retracting from society and hiding away by myself when things start slipping from me. It’s a bad habit. I know I should always be with people, especially in those low moments,  but I find myself seeking solitude and although sometimes I pick myself up immediately. Other times I find myself falling even lower and it’s sad. It’s sad that I feel safe alone, sad that with all the experiences and things I’ve witnessed I find it hard to be completely be honest with people. I know no one is perfect and I have never expected anyone to be, and I have also tried to share my imperfections, mostly because of this deep fear of becoming a hypocrite.

I don’t want to appear to be something i’m out. yet i’m not completely comfortable exposing all my flaws and short comings. See I believe Jesus died for my sins, I believe He died that I may have life and live without shame. But looking at people and how they react to things, seeing how fellow Christians act towards those who have fallen short in one way or the other makes it really difficult for me to come out and say, “hey, see I did that too. I messed up, can you walk with me through this”.

Maybe i’m the problem, maybe I have trust issues..

Wait, I can’t be the only problem. Despite the fact that I may not be so okay with full disclosure because of my own issues and things in my life, I know for a fact that there is a problem out there as well. I know that there is judgement, I know there is condemnation and chastising in some places among certain Christian communities and I don’t understand why.

I want to give myself fully to God. Live my live fully for Him. Stay pure and be a positive impact for Him in every place I go, but I fail. I mess up A LOT  and I just want to be okay with crying to someone when I’m feeling that shame when I’ve done something stupid and not have to worry about what happens to me next. Stories of people being kicked out of churches for being pregnant, or being treated strange by fellow members of the church for whatever thing they did. Honestly! By the time someone is coming to you to confess, they already know they did wrong the guilt tripping and hoops, just crazy! My sins were forgiven, I am a new creation in Christ. Why do you choose to punish me when the punishment was already taken care of?

It’s one thing to correct and a whole other thing to condemn. We all have sinned, we still sin but God because of His amazing grace and mercy gave His son for us. Yet we choose to put each other through that again? It makes no sense to me.

I am a big advocate of love. I truly believe love changes things. I believe showing love and grace is the only way to go. None of us deserve anything yet we were shown mercy and given life. It shouldn’t be such a task to do the same for others.

We need to put Christ back on top. He has to come first. That’s the only way we’ll remember to show love and mercy.

We need God. For our relationships and interactions to be genuine and loving.

God has to come first. So that before you judge someone you empathize and try to see through their eyes.

So that we may be able to guide each other in love and teach each other.

It breaks my heart to imagine the many who suffer through secret sin because they fear they’ll lose friends(in church). Or those who live in shame because they have no one to tell them they have nothing to be ashamed of, that it was all taken care of at the cross. Christ has to be greater in us. Live like He lived, and love like He loved.

We are called to love. Let us love.

We cannot claim to serve a God who is love and have no love in us.

Love is so much more that words, it’s manifested in our everyday life and interactions. In our relationships.