It’s not so random.


Everyone of us is governed by circumstances, we all have something weighing us down. No matter how good someone’s life may appear to be.

Today, I just want to remind you that, it’s not about what you think or what you see in others. Show care and concern no matter what. The person you meet today with the brightest smile, may be on their way to a suicide or planning to commit some other horrible self or public act. All because they feel no one cares. Love all, give a smile to that random stranger, say hi. (and anyway, how can you identify a criminal later, if you don’t even glance at the person seated next to you on the bus or wherever?). It doesn’t take much to show kindness but, it makes a really big difference. Seriously, pass that love around, someone out there needs it more than you can imagine.

Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience,
(Colossians 3:12 ESV)

Random acts of kindness, should not be random. It should be intentional and continuous, never stopping. Love never stops being love, it will never cease to exist or run out. So we have no excuse for not spreading it around generously.

“He who withholds kindness from a friend
forsakes the fear of the Almighty.
(Job 6:14 ESV)

Midweek confessions

What’s the one thing that you have learned this year?

I’ve been trying to be open minded and humble enough to try new things and it’s been quite a challenge. Every time I think I got the humility thing down, something happens and my pride shows itself, loud and proud. Being humble is hard. I am irked by a lot of things too nowadays, but the one one thing I’m disappointed about is my reactions to situations after my pride reveals itself. My lack of patience and compassion(in some cases) has been really shocking to me. It’s hard being nice. Just when I thought I had it all together, when I thought I was on that good path,  I let it all just fall apart for the sake of my pride.

The fear of the LORD is hatred of evil.
Pride and arrogance and the way of evil
and perverted speech I hate.
(Proverbs 8:13 ESV)

I’ve prayed about humility for a long time, and I will admit I’ve made progress but I find myself in situations that really make me wonder who on earth I think I am. Pride, is a sign of self importance. A form of selfishness, and conceitedness. So here I am, thinking that I deserve more because of bluh, bluh, bluh, when in reality I deserve absolutely nothing. Being impatient towards someone when they mess up, when I mess up all the time. It’s insane, it makes me really sad that I still have to struggle with that today, but I have learnt that I can either chose to be impatient and curse under my breath or, I can count to 10 and not react until my head is on straight. It’s not easy, but I am trying. Praying for humilty in all I do, it’s hard like I said but I know eventually I will overcome.

For all that is in the world—the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride of life—is not from the Father but is from the world.

(1 John 2:16 ESV)

My  lesson is, I am still very far from where I should be. I need my heart to be pure, and sincere. To love and give grace without questioning or seeking validation. I want to be joyful in my heart, I want be like Christ from the inside out. I am learning to be humble each day, in each moment because that’s the only way I learn. That’s the only way I grow.

 

And he said, “What comes out of a person is what defiles him. For from within, out of the heart of man, come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, coveting, wickedness, deceit, sensuality, envy, slander, pride, foolishness.
(Mark 7:20-22 ESV)

What’s your lesson for the year? What have you been struggling with?

So loved..

Christ loves you.

By this we know love, that he laid down his life for us, and we ought to lay down our lives for the brothers.

(1 John 3:16 ESV)

Why is it so easy to forget?

A love so deep, so sincere, so unconditional.


We live reckless lives, in search of fulfillment. In search of something to fill the void.

Waste our whole life, looking for love. When we’ve had it all along.

Searching for truth, when we have it right in front of us.

We choose to be blinded by things, by people, by the world.

When the way is actually brightly lit by this amazing God, for us to follow.

Yes, the world seems sweet.

The temptations are plenty but knowing all we know, how can we turn away from His light?

Knowing how short life is, how can we waste a second of it on moments of earthly pleasures?

I’m yet to understand it. I am constantly losing focus.

Constantly in need of His reminders.

I will never understand why He chose me, in this moment of time.

Or what His end plan for me is. All I know is, I live for Him.

My flesh may be weak but He chose me and He will not let me slip away if I am clinging on Him.

Being human makes no sense most of the time, but God has it all together. With all our short comings, and our weaknesses. He has it all sorted. Though we may forget His love, He doesn’t forget to love us. How can He love us in spite of all that? I don’t know, I don’t understand but, He does. Let go, of all of that self pity/self loathing for the times you let Him down. He already knows it all. And yes, He still loves you. He loves us. You can’t really love Him when you keep thinking about the past or your the times you fail Him. So let go, and believe He loves you. If you trust Him, He will make you stronger. In our lowest, He is strong.

You are so loved, believe it and live like you know it.

but whoever keeps his word, in him truly the love of God is perfected. By this we may know that we are in him:
(1 John 2:5 ESV)

Thank You God!

There is so much I could say, but there’s is nothing that can really express how grateful I am to God for who I am. For the fact that I am alive today, for family, for being loved, for being healthy, for everything. There is absolutely nothing trivial, because I deserve nothing yet He has given me so much. He has chosen to love me despite of my foolishness and my sinful nature. I am so grateful. I am humbled by our God. He is a great God.

 

 

I thank him who has given me strength, Christ Jesus our Lord, because he judged me faithful, appointing me to his service, though formerly I was a blasphemer, persecutor, and insolent opponent. But I received mercy because I had acted ignorantly in unbelief, and the grace of our Lord overflowed for me with the faith and love that are in Christ Jesus. The saying is trustworthy and deserving of full acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, of whom I am the foremost. But I received mercy for this reason, that in me, as the foremost, Jesus Christ might display his perfect patience as an example to those who were to believe in him for eternal life. To the King of the ages, immortal, invisible, the only God, be honor and glory forever and ever. Amen.

(1 Timothy 1:12-17 ESV)

The burden of love.

It has been a very emotionally intense couple of days for me. Love comes at a great price and we never really realize how big until something happens and you evaluate how far you would actually go for those you claim you love.

It’s been one of those journeys for me. I had never really understood what the burden of love was before now. Knowing that people you love are on the road to destruction, and you can do nothing but love them and show the affection. It’s very difficult and heart breaking. Now more than ever I understand why it is so important to lift each other up in prayer. Life can drag anyone down, even those we assume have it all under control. It’s a wild ride this life. The more I get into the word, the more drama in my life. I am so grateful to God that He feels I can handle so much, although personally if I were to choose I really wouldn’t let half the things going on happen. But, I am not God and I have no idea what His grand plan is, all I can do is pray and love and repeat.

Remembering those I love in prayer and believing that God is in control. I choose to believe that my coming to God, my faith, is for a purpose. That I may stand in the gap for the ones I love that are oblivious of the path they are on. Now more that ever, I commit to God.  For the sake of those lost and wandering.

Life is short, I pray they find the way before it’s too late. For God has been gracious enough to give us freedom, what we do with it is up to us. All we can do for others is love them, be gracious towards them and pray for them, the rest is up to them(and God).

Cracked but not broken.

I just found out something really horrible and heart breaking about someone I love. I don’t really want to talk about it but I really need prayers. My mind has been racing, I can’t stop crying thinking about how easily things can fall apart. My life is in Christ and i’m safe in Him but what happens when the ones you love choose the opposite? There is really not much I can do for this person because they’ve made their choices and done some things that really can’t be undone. I can’t choose for them, I can’t make them live life they way I wish they would. My heart is breaking thinking of how much regret and pain will come from said choices in the future.

We have all been given the freedom to choose our path, our lives, and when it comes to the people we love, all we can really do is pray and show them love in spite of themselves. I believe that God can change any situation for good, and I really need Him to change this one. I can not give up. I can not let myself be negative. I need the grace to give grace. The grace to love unconditionally. I’m a bit lost right now, for this person and I need the wisdom to handle this thing right.

Right now, I really need all the prayers I can get because I am weak.

No more fear of being watched.

And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.
If we live by the Spirit, let us also keep in step with the Spirit.
(Galatians 5:24-25 ESV)

Don’t watch what I do, I’ll make mistakes. Listen to my words and read His word for guidance and direction. I have found myself saying that a lot. It’s now really bugging me though, don’t watch what I do? How exactly did that make any sense that i’d actually think to say something like that?

We already know the whole, we’re human beings we make mistakes deal, so that’s covered. but what makes us feel that we shouldn’t be watched? imitated, Be examples? Imagining that someone new in faith would look at us. Emulate me. I’m not doing anything bad, I live a pretty okay lifestyle(I could do better I know). But, if my Christianity was to be judged on “my goodness” then heck! i’m very christian, but that’s not what Christianity is. I am supposed to emulate Christ. And as much as I may try to live it completely, I fail sometimes. But that’s not it. After thinking about it for a while, I came to the conclusion that, our fear of being watched, emulated is not really because we are doing or planning to do anything sinful, but us trying to leave a little room just in case. We want to be holy but a little part of us is craving that unholy, that sin, that temptation, so instead of completely walking away, we leave just a little space.

It’s like saying, “Lord, I want to be with you, but how about we leave a few minutes of my day for the devil. Just in case.” We can’t really love God and love the world. We can’t be pure and sin. We have to choose one. This isn’t to say we won’t mess up, but more about giving ourselves up completely to Him. Those little things that make you fear to be watched, because you want to have the freedom to fall back and indulge in them once in a while. Those are the worst. They will make you lose your way completely. It’s time to be courageous and let go of whatever it is that holds us back from giving ourselves completely to God, so that other may learn to do the same. After all we can not have both. It’s either the world and the short term indulgence or our spiritual life.

One will have to die. Which will it be?

Whoever seeks to preserve his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life will keep it.
(Luke 17:33 ESV)


You’re so perfect.

There’s a lot about myself that I hated. The things that I wish I was good at, that i’m so horrible at. Then the things i’m good at which, I thought were a complete waste and pointless, until recently when I realized nothing in my life is a waste. (I have a lot of epiphanies, I wish I could jot them down each time I get one). Anyway,  the other day it hit me I was created! Yeah, I know you know that but do you really know that? I can’t really explain it but, for a second life made sense.

We are created! As much as we are born into the lives we are born into, we have been created. Molded, carefully. This wonderful Artist took His time, writing the story of our lives. We are here for a purpose. He knows that when you try to sing birds die, but He still wants you to sing for Him. He made you with those two left feet, and Yes! He wants you to dance for Him. This awesome God, placed us in the families we are in. Gave us the talents we have. God created us, flaws and all. Those things we call mistakes, defects are perfect to Him. Those things make us human, they are there intentionally. So us going, “my life would be so much better if…” and all those things we think. You look at someone and you see the flaws, which to the Artist are perfection.That’s like telling God He didn’t do a good job the first time and you can do a better job. Whoah! Really? I don’t know about you but that’s not a challenge i’m willing to make. God makes no mistakes. And thinking about it, isn’t mocking a creation by extension mocking the creator  I can imagine an artist/painter would not take it well hearing someone insult his work, now imagine God. If that doesn’t help you respect and show love to His creation…

We have been created to love. That’s our most important purpose.

There’s still so much I am yet to figure out about myself, but now I see how a lot of things I saw as negatives in me are actually positives. My past, my mistakes, people, they may have been there to shape me into who I am supposed to be, but they do not define me. I am defined by God, my Creator. The bigger picture may not be clear, but I now know more than ever before that I am right where I am supposed to be.

We are all perfect, in His eyes.

We rise and we fall, everything falls apart but one thing remains He is our solid rock. He makes no mistakes and in Him we are made perfect. By His grace we are made perfect through Christ. Those things about my life that I thought sucked, are the ones I have to proclaim Him by. If it wasn’t for my mistakes and failures, I wouldn’t have a testimony.

His work is perfect, We are perfect in Him.

When you wish it would all end..

Life’s burning issues. Matters of the heart.

They tag and they pull, and strech you to the limit. and just as you think you can take no more, they throw you some more. Till you wish your heart would just give out and save you the pain.

I’ll be honest, I’ve wished it once or twice(or maybe more). Imagined heaven, the peace awaiting me there and just prayed for it all to end.

I completely understand suicide. I understand how someone can get to that place where you’re tired of life, tired of people, tired of always having to try so hard for even the most mundane of things and you  just want it all to end. As much as I have this “my-life-is-not-my-own-so-i-cannot-take-it” mentality. I get it. Sometimes life just sucks! Sometimes, the only thing you can think of is, when will it end?

I’ve had times in my life when I prayed, hours in tears asking God to just take my life. When I couldn’t see any positive outcome no matter where I looked. It’s sad really when I think about those moments, and remember the pain I was in but I am so grateful that God did not answer those prayers because here I am. Today, a joyful me. With only fading memories of those agonizing days. God has a plan for us, the path to it may be rough and sometimes painful but He has a plan and is not about to abandon us on the way to it.

Life sadly, will never be perfect but we have been promised that pain doesn’t last forever. It may be the pits right now, but endure a little bit longer and watch the pain fade to a distant memory. Whatever it is that has you so low. Whatever has you googling ways to kill yourself, or crying all night wondering why you were created in the first place. Whatever it is that has you imagining doing horrible things to someone. It WILL pass. The world will not collapse from under you and your heart won’t explode from the all the pain. Trust me, I know. It will NOT last. Just put your trust in God and He will get you through it. He’s done it for me(even though I never really deserved it) and He will surely do it for you.

Weeping may tarry for the night,

but joy comes with the morning.

Psalm 30:5 esv

All you need to do is ask

I am in awe of Him. I honestly don’t have any idea how to explain how I became the person I am today in comparison to who I was even a week ago. I know a lot of people would say that it’s growing up or any number of explanations, but there’s so much more to the change I constantly go through in my mind and spirit.

I have never been much of a pray for people type of person, I cared about people and all but it didn’t really affect me as much(their lives and all that). This days though, I find myself feeling immensely invested in people even those I don’t know. I feel this need to pray for people, and I can’t even tell you how many times I have found myself crying for people I don’t even know. I am way too connected to my emotional side nowadays, more that I can even try to explain.

I pray for change in me daily. I pray for maturity in my faith, and courage to do what has been set for me in this journey. Despite the fact that I know that God hears and He answers prayers, I still get really amazed when I see change in me. It’s beyond anything and everything. A lot of us, know that God can mould us into who we are meant to be, but we don’t really believe it. He says, ask and you shall receive, seek and you shall find, if only we would believe that. There’s so much He has in store for us.

The one thing my grandmother(who is my number one inspiration), has always told me is to pray. Prayer is our primary way of communicating with God. So I pray, when I’m walking, or at my desk in the office, I pray. I have prayed for everything imaginable. I can be very silly when it comes to that sometimes but, even the most trivial of desires are desires still. So, I lay it all down. I know that God is sovereign and He is God and He deserves all the honour, glory and respect but, I also knows that God loves me and knows my heart. I can’t pretend not to want because He already knows what’s in my heart, so the one primary thing I have learnt to do is pray that he changes my heart to want what He want for me. To live how He wants me to live. To serve those He want me to serve. So His will for my life can come to pass. As I continue to pray for my life and the lives that are affected by mine(which includes you), I continue to see a change in me. I am still so far from a true reflection of Christ but, I am also very far from the person I used to be.

I am grateful to God for this far He has brought me. I am in awe of what He has done and humbled by all I know He is capable of.

I know God can change hearts, He changed mine. He showed me love like I never knew before. I also know He can do that for anyone else who asks. That’s all you need to do. No fancy language or vocabulary. Just you talking to your Father and creator. Sharing your deepest secrets and desires with your one true love. He is the best friend of all best friends. The one that will never disappoint. I am truly in love with Him. He listens, He leads and He answers prayers so, if you want to know His love just ask.

“Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened. Or which one of you, if his son asks him for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a serpent? If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him!
(Matthew 7:7-11 ESV)