Called to L-O-V-E.

I can’t stop singing to God even when i’m sinning against Him. I feel so flawed so dirty so unworthy. But I have no where else to turn so I bow my head in shame and cry..

I have this habit of retracting from society and hiding away by myself when things start slipping from me. It’s a bad habit. I know I should always be with people, especially in those low moments,  but I find myself seeking solitude and although sometimes I pick myself up immediately. Other times I find myself falling even lower and it’s sad. It’s sad that I feel safe alone, sad that with all the experiences and things I’ve witnessed I find it hard to be completely be honest with people. I know no one is perfect and I have never expected anyone to be, and I have also tried to share my imperfections, mostly because of this deep fear of becoming a hypocrite.

I don’t want to appear to be something i’m out. yet i’m not completely comfortable exposing all my flaws and short comings. See I believe Jesus died for my sins, I believe He died that I may have life and live without shame. But looking at people and how they react to things, seeing how fellow Christians act towards those who have fallen short in one way or the other makes it really difficult for me to come out and say, “hey, see I did that too. I messed up, can you walk with me through this”.

Maybe i’m the problem, maybe I have trust issues..

Wait, I can’t be the only problem. Despite the fact that I may not be so okay with full disclosure because of my own issues and things in my life, I know for a fact that there is a problem out there as well. I know that there is judgement, I know there is condemnation and chastising in some places among certain Christian communities and I don’t understand why.

I want to give myself fully to God. Live my live fully for Him. Stay pure and be a positive impact for Him in every place I go, but I fail. I mess up A LOT  and I just want to be okay with crying to someone when I’m feeling that shame when I’ve done something stupid and not have to worry about what happens to me next. Stories of people being kicked out of churches for being pregnant, or being treated strange by fellow members of the church for whatever thing they did. Honestly! By the time someone is coming to you to confess, they already know they did wrong the guilt tripping and hoops, just crazy! My sins were forgiven, I am a new creation in Christ. Why do you choose to punish me when the punishment was already taken care of?

It’s one thing to correct and a whole other thing to condemn. We all have sinned, we still sin but God because of His amazing grace and mercy gave His son for us. Yet we choose to put each other through that again? It makes no sense to me.

I am a big advocate of love. I truly believe love changes things. I believe showing love and grace is the only way to go. None of us deserve anything yet we were shown mercy and given life. It shouldn’t be such a task to do the same for others.

We need to put Christ back on top. He has to come first. That’s the only way we’ll remember to show love and mercy.

We need God. For our relationships and interactions to be genuine and loving.

God has to come first. So that before you judge someone you empathize and try to see through their eyes.

So that we may be able to guide each other in love and teach each other.

It breaks my heart to imagine the many who suffer through secret sin because they fear they’ll lose friends(in church). Or those who live in shame because they have no one to tell them they have nothing to be ashamed of, that it was all taken care of at the cross. Christ has to be greater in us. Live like He lived, and love like He loved.

We are called to love. Let us love.

We cannot claim to serve a God who is love and have no love in us.

Love is so much more that words, it’s manifested in our everyday life and interactions. In our relationships.


It’s been such a crazy week/two not even sure but I know it was painful and I am so grateful  to be here healthy and strong and able to read all the blogs! Woohoo! I am indeed joyous! I can talk, I can sing, I can shout, I can eat, I can walk about! I’ve got a reason to dance and shout!


Psalms 98

1 Sing to the Lord a new song,
for he has done marvelous things;
his right hand and his holy arm
have worked salvation for him.

2 The Lord has made his salvation known
and revealed his righteousness to the nations.

3 He has remembered his love
and his faithfulness to Israel;
all the ends of the earth have seen
the salvation of our God.

4 Shout for joy to the Lord, all the earth,
burst into jubilant song with music;

5 make music to the Lord with the harp,
with the harp and the sound of singing,

6 with trumpets and the blast of the ram’s horn—
shout for joy before the Lord, the King.

7 Let the sea resound, and everything in it,
the world, and all who live in it.

8 Let the rivers clap their hands,
let the mountains sing together for joy;


What’s your reason to have joy today?

I’m alive!

I  get this recurring illness, nothing serious to most people but when I get it, my whole world stops. Ever since I was little I remember, I would get really sick really often and as I grew older it happened less and less but the pain.. I can’t describe how bad it can get but, it’s hard for me to get around or talk. The one thing I can say is it feels like dying, a long painful agonizing process.

I can’t believe that people go through worse than this, with the more serious life threatening diseases out there. If I were to choose between death and going through this over and over again on the long term, I honestly would rather die. The bible says be grateful in all situations and I am! I don’t want anyone to assume that because i’m talking about my pain means i’m not grateful. I have so many things i’m thankful for, and I also i’m not complaining. I’m just saying life is a crazy ride. And ever since I can remember I have had to take a week off life and wallow in pain for something a lot of people get, but don’t suffer so much with. Only a small fraction of people have actually experienced the horrible side and every time I meet someone and I can’t talk or i’m just in pain. They can’t see how this thing they had a two day ache with can cause anyone so much pain, it sucks.

It’s sucks that we have to suffer. It sucks that I have to go through this crap once a year or whenever i’m stressed out. It sucks that there’s people with more painful sicknesses than this. Life sucks, but i’m alive so I say thanks. Through the tears and the pain, I say thanks because i’d rather be the one in pain than see my little sister going through this. I say thanks because, despite the fact that I may wish to die a couple of time a day when the pain gets really bad, my heart is still beating and I know that I will get better eventually.

Life is hard but whether it’s through death or healing or second chances, the pain stops at some point. Thank God for that.

Please read the entire Psalms 30

zoom in to verse 5 and it says,

For his anger is but for a moment,
and his favor is for a lifetime.
Weeping may tarry for the night,
but joy comes with the morning.
(Psalm 30:5 ESV)

**please pray for my healing

My Romance.

I feel this great big “thing” in my heart today. I’m overwhelmed by how amazing God’s love is.

I am so unworthy, and a lot of times I focus on how much I sin and overlook how much He loves me.

Today, I focus on that.

I am in awe of His love for me.

I am in awe of His grace and mercy in my life. I may not deserve any of it but He still gave it, freely. He is an amazing God.

Today, I challenge you to focus on that. His amazing goodness! He loves you beyond anything you could imagine, just because He wants to. Don’t beat yourself up for your failures, or your mistakes, or how you can’t seem to shrug of that sin. He still loves you. He chose you.

To Him be all the glory! He is an awesome God! He loves us. 🙂


Away with the rules!

This Christianity thing is hard!

Honestly, I’ve always been a “do the right thing”, type of person but I never actually thought about it or looked at it the way I do now. Everything is so different, now I can’t do the right thing just for the heck of it being right. I don’t know how to explain it really but, I do things with meaning and purpose or else they are not worth doing them.

Most people think of Christianity and see a long list of don’ts. All these seemingly wonderful things that you miss out on when you choose Christ. Luke warm looks so good when you look at it that way. Imagining how much you’ll miss out on waking up in a ditch somewhere, having sex with random strangers and all that wonderful stuff.. I know, I went a bit on the extreme about that, but considering all sin is equal in the eyes of God, does it really matter what example I used? It’s difficult, turning away from those little pleasures we have grown so accustomed to. Especially when the world says it’s okay, it’s all normal.

We have this list of rules, the ten commandments. They are hard, honestly most of us can’t even get past the first one without sinning.

 The Ten Commandments (Exodus 20:2-17 NKJV)
1 “I am the Lord your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of bondage. You shall have no other gods before Me. (this includes and is not limited to: yourself, your possessions, your job, your loved ones, your money)
2 “You shall not make for yourself a carved image, or any likeness of anything that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth; you shall not bow down to them nor serve them. For I, the Lord your God, am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children to the third and fourth generations of those who hate Me, but showing mercy to thousands, to those who love Me and keep My Commandments. (refer to the first commadment)
3 “You shall not take the name of the Lord your God in vain, for the Lord will not hold him guiltless who takes His name in vain. (have you ever said oh my __?)
4 “Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy. Six days you shall labor and do all your work, but the seventh day is the Sabbath of the Lord your God. In it you shall do no work: you, nor your son, nor your daughter, nor your male servant, nor your female servant, nor your cattle, nor your stranger who is within your gates. For in six days the Lord made the heavens and the earth, the sea, and all that is in them, and rested the seventh day. Therefore the Lord blessed the Sabbath day and hallowed it.(I honestly can’t even get into this one)
5 “Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long upon the land which the Lord your God is giving you.(well, we could start with the meaning of honor but i’m sure the parents have gotten the opposite of this at some point)
6 “You shall not murder. (if you have thought then it’s the same thing, so add that here)
7 “You shall not commit adultery.(refer to previous)
8 “You shall not steal.(yes this includes that pen)
9 “You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor. (liar, liar, pants on fire)
10 “You shall not covet your neighbor’s house; you shall not covet your neighbor’s wife, nor his male servant, nor his female servant, nor his ox, nor his donkey, nor anything that is your neighbor’s.” (lust! i’m sure you know what that is)

So is there anyone who’s clean? Can anyone honestly say that it’s easy to follow those rules/guidelines or whatever you choose to call them? I doubt it. So why choose to focus on that? Why do we always focus on our failures and try so hard to be perfect when deep down we know we cannot?

Trying is good, it’s very important for us to work hard to do what is right but our focus cannot be on attaining perfection. I personally believe Christianity is actually defined by LOVE! We are asked to love God and each other, that’s the mot important thing. Instead of focusing on right and wrong, we should focus on love. Focus on caring for those around us and doing what is right by them. If we truly honest about doing that in the end we realize that everything else fall into place. Loving God through worship and devotion and study of the word and loving our neighbors.  When you focus on Him, you want to do what is pleasing to Him. You are unashamed to be associated with Him. It’s do or die and completely amazing. And when you love others, you want what’s best for them at all times and doing things that will cause them harm is the least likely thing you could ever do.


LOVE. So much easier that tip toeing around rules don’t you think?

1 Peter 4:8 (NIV)

8 Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.

Where did grace go?

I’ve been reading blogs and just observing the world around me and it honestly is driving me nuts. See i’m the type of person that really feels stuff, empathy on steroids type of person. I love God and I take His word very seriously,(every word).

See my problem is, everything seems to be going down hill. I don’t get it at all. I get really mad when I go on websites and read harsh criticism from Christians to other Christians. What happened to loving our neighbours? What happened to being our brothers keepers? What happened to grace?

It’s really exhausting reading a blog by a christian who’s harshly breaking a fellow christian down for whatever sin. Even more painful is cursing someone out when they have openly confessed and repented for said the sin. The bible clearly says to forgive. So when exactly did it become okay to be self righteous and act like we don’t sin? When did we take God’s place in terms of judging others? We make it seem normal to make people jump through hoops to earn forgiveness when forgiveness is freely given by God to anyone who repents.

It really breaks my heart that we find it so hard to be gracious. there’s a very big difference between correcting someone and making them feel worthless. It’s very easy to miss the mark (clearly) and we need to be cautious when going to someone who has wronged us, the church or whatever else the sin is. Be careful not to make ourselves gods, for there can only be one God and He is not us. 

The bible says in Matthew 18:15-17 “If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over. But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector.

It’s important to give people a chance, an opportunity to change. Correct each other with love and not with the intention of embarrassing each other or making ourselves look purer or better. None of is good, if it wasn’t for Jesus dying we would all have perished. Yet we seem to forget and put our own selfish pride and needs before building each other. We are the church, the body of Christ. If we break each other in the end we actually are breaking ourselves. Very stupid if you ask me, like punching yourself in the face because your nose snorted on someone. Where does that get you? Everything works together. So either build or break.(i figure a dumb thing, deserves a dumb example)

Romans 14:1-12

1 Accept the one whose faith is weak, without quarreling over disputable matters. 2 One person’s faith allows them to eat anything, but another, whose faith is weak, eats only vegetables. 3 The one who eats everything must not treat with contempt the one who does not, and the one who does not eat everything must not judge the one who does, for God has accepted them. 4 Who are you to judge someone else’s servant? To their own master, servants stand or fall. And they will stand, for the Lord is able to make them stand.

 5 One person considers one day more sacred than another; another considers every day alike. Each of them should be fully convinced in their own mind. 6 Whoever regards one day as special does so to the Lord. Whoever eats meat does so to the Lord, for they give thanks to God; and whoever abstains does so to the Lord and gives thanks to God. 7 For none of us lives for ourselves alone, and none of us dies for ourselves alone. 8 If we live, we live for the Lord; and if we die, we die for the Lord. So, whether we live or die, we belong to the Lord. 9 For this very reason, Christ died and returned to life so that he might be the Lord of both the dead and the living.

 10 You, then, why do you judge your brother or sister? Or why do you treat them with contempt? For we will all stand before God’s judgment seat. 11 It is written:

   “‘As surely as I live,’ says the Lord, 
‘every knee will bow before me; 
   every tongue will acknowledge God.’”

 12 So then, each of us will give an account of ourselves to God.

In the end, we are all accountable to God. His free grace is not to be earned. Neither is His love.

A new creation.

So after a beautiful year of rediscovering Christ and His amazing love for me, I decided to take it the whole way.

I got baptized last week, it was quite an amazing thing for me. I’ve come so far by no effort of my own but by God’s grace.I am so amazed at His love for me. A lot of people don’t believe baptism is important which is really strange to me but I won’t judge since i’m not really in any position of authority on that. All I know is after the year i’ve had, it was about time I took my relationship to the next level. I had this conviction and I knew, I had to. It was quite the experience I will admit and I am I glad I did it. I am now I new creation, how cool is that!

2011 has been God’s year in my life, he took me from this lostness, and He gave me a second chance. Despite the fact that I got saved years ago and didn’t live like I was. Despite the fact that I didn’t take His word or will for me seriously for a really long time. He still took me seriously, He still loved me enough to pick me up and put me back together, and not just that, He made me new again. It’s so amazing, I wish I had the words to describe the wreck I was before, and where I am now. God is unbelievably awesome!

I can’t wait for 2012 and the rest of my life!

He is!

God is. That is one concept a lot of us don’t seem to get. God IS.

Our GOd does NOT dwell in the past, present, or future. He is outside time. A lot of times people think that God has seen it all and is sitting in heaven just watching what he knew would happen happen. That’s not our God, our God is.  Whatever you’re going through now, God is,  whatever you go through tomorrow, God is. He is not in a certain time or space, He is time and space.
Which means that for those of you who are sinners, God doesn’t have your judgment written up and waiting for you, NO! God is right there with you crying for your soul waiting for you to choose Him. Our God, the God of second, third and hundrendth chances.
He is. Right now, just for you.  



During my time away from the internet, I’ve been thinking a lot. I’ve had all these ideas of things I could write, things I wanted your opinions on, but just like me to forget to jot them down for later. So sadly, all those things are gone, floating away in my mind somewhere.

Anyway, the one thing that has really had me flustered the whole idea of talents and gifts. We all have something. That one thing or many things, you’ve been blessed with, to bless others with.

How many of us really use them? Are you like me? Do you have a million excuses for not doing the things you know you have been called to do? I am one of those who have been immensely blessed. I am also one of those that waste the blessings. Why? Because I can’t afford, because I need to go to school, because I don’t have the resources, because…. The list is endless.

The bible says in the book of Romans 12:8 we have different gifts according to the grace given to us. We have already been given the grace required to use our gifts. If your gift is listening, you really don’t need to go to some university to study counseling. You have been graced by God to use that gift right now. That’s one thing that has yet to sink in to a lot of us, me included. We are so accustomed to certain avenues in life, that we forget that God is the one to open the doors to our future. He has our whole life written. He knows it all. Yet when He says we have the grace to go out and prophesy, the grace to serve, to teach, to lead, we look at Him and say “God, please provide for my fees  to go study this and that” yet we already can go and do it.

You don’t need a degree in theology to teach the word of God, the word of God is the same and will always be the same. If you know God loves you, you know Jesus Christ is the only way to salvation, you know that God is with you  and His plans for your life are good, why do you need a piece of paper to feel validated? Isn’t His word enough?  I’m not saying don’t go to school. I have gone to school, and I know the importance of an education. I’m just saying that we need to stop using it as an excuse to not follow our calling. We are not all wealthy but we are all called, finances can also not be an excuse.

Whatever it is we are required of God to do, we can do in our communities, online, in our families, in our churches and so forth. You certainly don’t need millions to go and listen and be a shoulder to your hurting neighbours’. We can do a lot if we put our minds to it and stop letting the devil trick us into complacency and living lives God hasn’t intended for us. It’s about time we got up and just did it.  After all we will be held accountable when the time comes for all the gifts we were given, we really need to start to realize that. Each of us has been given according to our ability, according to the grace God has for us. God knows that we can achieve so much with what we already have so not doing it is seen as laziness and simply lack of willingness to do as is required of us


Matthew 25:29-30

– 29 for everyone who has will have abundance. Whoever doesn’t have, even what he has will be taken from him. 30 and throw that worthless servant outside, into the darkness, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth. – Please Read Matt 25:14-30, the parable of the talents.