The burden of love.

It has been a very emotionally intense couple of days for me. Love comes at a great price and we never really realize how big until something happens and you evaluate how far you would actually go for those you claim you love.

It’s been one of those journeys for me. I had never really understood what the burden of love was before now. Knowing that people you love are on the road to destruction, and you can do nothing but love them and show the affection. It’s very difficult and heart breaking. Now more than ever I understand why it is so important to lift each other up in prayer. Life can drag anyone down, even those we assume have it all under control. It’s a wild ride this life. The more I get into the word, the more drama in my life. I am so grateful to God that He feels I can handle so much, although personally if I were to choose I really wouldn’t let half the things going on happen. But, I am not God and I have no idea what His grand plan is, all I can do is pray and love and repeat.

Remembering those I love in prayer and believing that God is in control. I choose to believe that my coming to God, my faith, is for a purpose. That I may stand in the gap for the ones I love that are oblivious of the path they are on. Now more that ever, I commit to God.  For the sake of those lost and wandering.

Life is short, I pray they find the way before it’s too late. For God has been gracious enough to give us freedom, what we do with it is up to us. All we can do for others is love them, be gracious towards them and pray for them, the rest is up to them(and God).

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Cracked but not broken.

I just found out something really horrible and heart breaking about someone I love. I don’t really want to talk about it but I really need prayers. My mind has been racing, I can’t stop crying thinking about how easily things can fall apart. My life is in Christ and i’m safe in Him but what happens when the ones you love choose the opposite? There is really not much I can do for this person because they’ve made their choices and done some things that really can’t be undone. I can’t choose for them, I can’t make them live life they way I wish they would. My heart is breaking thinking of how much regret and pain will come from said choices in the future.

We have all been given the freedom to choose our path, our lives, and when it comes to the people we love, all we can really do is pray and show them love in spite of themselves. I believe that God can change any situation for good, and I really need Him to change this one. I can not give up. I can not let myself be negative. I need the grace to give grace. The grace to love unconditionally. I’m a bit lost right now, for this person and I need the wisdom to handle this thing right.

Right now, I really need all the prayers I can get because I am weak.

No more fear of being watched.

And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.
If we live by the Spirit, let us also keep in step with the Spirit.
(Galatians 5:24-25 ESV)

Don’t watch what I do, I’ll make mistakes. Listen to my words and read His word for guidance and direction. I have found myself saying that a lot. It’s now really bugging me though, don’t watch what I do? How exactly did that make any sense that i’d actually think to say something like that?

We already know the whole, we’re human beings we make mistakes deal, so that’s covered. but what makes us feel that we shouldn’t be watched? imitated, Be examples? Imagining that someone new in faith would look at us. Emulate me. I’m not doing anything bad, I live a pretty okay lifestyle(I could do better I know). But, if my Christianity was to be judged on “my goodness” then heck! i’m very christian, but that’s not what Christianity is. I am supposed to emulate Christ. And as much as I may try to live it completely, I fail sometimes. But that’s not it. After thinking about it for a while, I came to the conclusion that, our fear of being watched, emulated is not really because we are doing or planning to do anything sinful, but us trying to leave a little room just in case. We want to be holy but a little part of us is craving that unholy, that sin, that temptation, so instead of completely walking away, we leave just a little space.

It’s like saying, “Lord, I want to be with you, but how about we leave a few minutes of my day for the devil. Just in case.” We can’t really love God and love the world. We can’t be pure and sin. We have to choose one. This isn’t to say we won’t mess up, but more about giving ourselves up completely to Him. Those little things that make you fear to be watched, because you want to have the freedom to fall back and indulge in them once in a while. Those are the worst. They will make you lose your way completely. It’s time to be courageous and let go of whatever it is that holds us back from giving ourselves completely to God, so that other may learn to do the same. After all we can not have both. It’s either the world and the short term indulgence or our spiritual life.

One will have to die. Which will it be?

Whoever seeks to preserve his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life will keep it.
(Luke 17:33 ESV)


You’re so perfect.

There’s a lot about myself that I hated. The things that I wish I was good at, that i’m so horrible at. Then the things i’m good at which, I thought were a complete waste and pointless, until recently when I realized nothing in my life is a waste. (I have a lot of epiphanies, I wish I could jot them down each time I get one). Anyway,  the other day it hit me I was created! Yeah, I know you know that but do you really know that? I can’t really explain it but, for a second life made sense.

We are created! As much as we are born into the lives we are born into, we have been created. Molded, carefully. This wonderful Artist took His time, writing the story of our lives. We are here for a purpose. He knows that when you try to sing birds die, but He still wants you to sing for Him. He made you with those two left feet, and Yes! He wants you to dance for Him. This awesome God, placed us in the families we are in. Gave us the talents we have. God created us, flaws and all. Those things we call mistakes, defects are perfect to Him. Those things make us human, they are there intentionally. So us going, “my life would be so much better if…” and all those things we think. You look at someone and you see the flaws, which to the Artist are perfection.That’s like telling God He didn’t do a good job the first time and you can do a better job. Whoah! Really? I don’t know about you but that’s not a challenge i’m willing to make. God makes no mistakes. And thinking about it, isn’t mocking a creation by extension mocking the creator  I can imagine an artist/painter would not take it well hearing someone insult his work, now imagine God. If that doesn’t help you respect and show love to His creation…

We have been created to love. That’s our most important purpose.

There’s still so much I am yet to figure out about myself, but now I see how a lot of things I saw as negatives in me are actually positives. My past, my mistakes, people, they may have been there to shape me into who I am supposed to be, but they do not define me. I am defined by God, my Creator. The bigger picture may not be clear, but I now know more than ever before that I am right where I am supposed to be.

We are all perfect, in His eyes.

We rise and we fall, everything falls apart but one thing remains He is our solid rock. He makes no mistakes and in Him we are made perfect. By His grace we are made perfect through Christ. Those things about my life that I thought sucked, are the ones I have to proclaim Him by. If it wasn’t for my mistakes and failures, I wouldn’t have a testimony.

His work is perfect, We are perfect in Him.

When you wish it would all end..

Life’s burning issues. Matters of the heart.

They tag and they pull, and strech you to the limit. and just as you think you can take no more, they throw you some more. Till you wish your heart would just give out and save you the pain.

I’ll be honest, I’ve wished it once or twice(or maybe more). Imagined heaven, the peace awaiting me there and just prayed for it all to end.

I completely understand suicide. I understand how someone can get to that place where you’re tired of life, tired of people, tired of always having to try so hard for even the most mundane of things and you  just want it all to end. As much as I have this “my-life-is-not-my-own-so-i-cannot-take-it” mentality. I get it. Sometimes life just sucks! Sometimes, the only thing you can think of is, when will it end?

I’ve had times in my life when I prayed, hours in tears asking God to just take my life. When I couldn’t see any positive outcome no matter where I looked. It’s sad really when I think about those moments, and remember the pain I was in but I am so grateful that God did not answer those prayers because here I am. Today, a joyful me. With only fading memories of those agonizing days. God has a plan for us, the path to it may be rough and sometimes painful but He has a plan and is not about to abandon us on the way to it.

Life sadly, will never be perfect but we have been promised that pain doesn’t last forever. It may be the pits right now, but endure a little bit longer and watch the pain fade to a distant memory. Whatever it is that has you so low. Whatever has you googling ways to kill yourself, or crying all night wondering why you were created in the first place. Whatever it is that has you imagining doing horrible things to someone. It WILL pass. The world will not collapse from under you and your heart won’t explode from the all the pain. Trust me, I know. It will NOT last. Just put your trust in God and He will get you through it. He’s done it for me(even though I never really deserved it) and He will surely do it for you.

Weeping may tarry for the night,

but joy comes with the morning.

Psalm 30:5 esv

Midweek inspiration

This weeks inspiration will be a little bit different. I decided instead of sharing a sermon, I share a book I recently(last night) started reading that has really inspired me. Rid of my disgrace by Justin s. Holcomb and Lindsey A. Holcomb, I’m not sure how many of you have read it, if you haven’t I would really recommend it. It’s a really well researched moving book about sexual assault victims.

It has really opened my eyes, and helped me understand so much about the emotions and basically the life of an assaulted person. We take a lot for granted and most of the time we don’t even know how to react to someone in their state of trauma. This book, puts you in their shoes, and let’s you see and feel what they feel and will definitely improve how we reach out to them and hasten their healing.

You can get the book here.

Our Purpose

They say tests and trials come to make us stronger. That we should pray for them, that if you are having an easy life then you should know there’s a problem. Well, my life must be perfect really because stuff has been so crazy! It’s like a constant beat down.

Right now, it’s actually quite hilarious how today has gone down so far. My work mate, really messed me up in ways I can’t really get into at the moment but I was so angry. Honestly, I can’t even describe how mad I was. Thinking that I now have to go through some really crazy process to undo a mess I have been put in by someone simply because he was too proud and stubborn to listen to the instructions I had given him. But then I looked at his face and he was beating himself so much about the situation he put me in. I ended up feeling sorry for the guy. See I had forgiven him but there’s this thing we do(most of us at least), letting a guy stew in guilt for a while before you act normal around them again. I know it’s not just me who does that. Anyway, I wasn’t really going to do that but I had to collect myself before I did or said something stupid(this time. hehe). I let go. Because of the guilt on his face, I just let it go. I can hold a grudge, I’m ashamed to admit it but, when I get mad I am capable of staying mad for a long time. So it’s quite fascinating that I was okay so quickly. Not really a surprise though because,

I prayed.

Right when I found out, I prayed. That is probably why my empathy was so heightened. Why I can laugh in-spite of the up hill task I have ahead of me. Nothing is impossible, not for God it’s not.

It’s been really wild since last week. My fears have been tested, my humility has been tested, my patience, my faithfulness and commitment to God. I may have not come out perfect but, I am still trying.

I know I am not alone, and I know I cannot fail.

So I keep pushing, to know Him and have Him shine through in all I do.

I have no greater purpose in life than that.

Verse for today:

Romans 8:7-9(MSG)

7 Focusing on the self is the opposite of focusing on God. Anyone completely absorbed in self ignores God, ends up thinking more about self than God. That person ignores who God is and what he is doing.8 And God isn’t pleased at being ignored.

9 But if God himself has taken up residence in your life, you can hardly be thinking more of yourself than of him. Anyone, of course, who has not welcomed this invisible but clearly present God, the Spirit of Christ, won’t know what we’re talking about

It’s not about me.

It’s not about me.

It’s not about me!

It’s not about me!

I forget.

I forgot.

I let myself get caught up again. In all the drama and the nonesense of the world.

I am human. Stupidly human. Completely imperfect.

Yet in my imperfection is perfection, His perfection.

I lost sight of it, for a little while.

I forgot.

But like He does always, He reminded me.

It’s not about me!

It’s not about me..

It really is NOT about me.

I love God so much, and I choose the world sometimes.

But He loves me so much more, so He leads me back to Him.

It is so unbelievable how much mercy and grace He has for me.

He takes me in my lowest. He finds me in the darkness, when no one even knows i’m lost.

He knows me and shows me love.

I am so humbled. In awe of His love.

So tonight, for the umpteenth time I am reminded that it’s about God.

My life and everything is about His will.

So my prayer, the one I seem to have forgotten to pray for a while.

“Lord, may your will be done in my life. Amen”

Catch up..

 

I’m so sorry for my lack of posts lately. I started a new job and it took me a while to readjust myself schedule wise and even when I was online I ended up doing more pinning that anything else. (for shame!)

Anyway, I’m doing alright. Happy and blessed and really inspired for no apparent reason.

I’m really learning to be humble lately, I was used to doing a certain job and now I want to shift career lines so I had to pick something that to be honest I never thought I’d ever doing just so I have a foundation towards my new career. It’s funny how I have prayed for humility for so long then God gives me this particular job. When it was offered to me I was really amused, I knew it was my lesson my test and I came here and chose to give it what I have because I know God has put me here as an answer to my prayer. I am humbled and I love it. I should also add that I really like the job. The people here are so nice and friendly.

I’m grateful to God for my prayer answered and I pray that I learn to listen to Him in everything that happens in my life. He is awesome and He listens and answers prayers. All you have to do is ask.

The verse for today comes from,

Hebrews 4:14-16

14 Since then we have a great high priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus, the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession. 15 For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been Tempted as we are, yet without sin. 16 Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.

This has really uplifted me and I thought I share it today. A guy was passing by our office and saw me reading my bible and shared it with me yesterday. He made my day.