These twists and turns.

john1_5

photo cred: rickandridgephotography

It’s such a long time since I wrote.

I got lost in all of it, in life and going by the motions.

I wish I could say I’ve got it together, I mean after all this time I should have something together, right?

But, this being a christian thing, the whole being human thing. It’s hard. Individually hard and then you  put them together and it’s a whole new set of challenges.

I know a lot of people who seem to have it down. The whole living by faith thing, and career thing. I know appearances are deceiving especially in this world we live in today with photoshop and looking good for the cameras.

It’s really frustrating though, so I come here and I read something I wrote, and the pain I’ve been in before and remember that it all passes and it’ll be okay. It has to be okay. So I stop comparing myself to other people, and how far they appear to have come, or how strong their faith looks compared to mine.

But, it’s still really difficult sometimes living the day by day. On days like today when i’m feeling empty, feeling lost, feeling disconnected, and weak in faith.

He says joy comes in the morning, He says all things work together for my good, so I have to believe it will all be okay.

It’s hard, it really is, and if i’m completely honest, I may not make it easy for myself sometimes but i’m trying.

 

God, help me live by faith. Give me the strength and wisdom to walk the path and trust You have it all under control. Amen.

 

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May my heart one day dance.

I had not realized just how long it has been since I was on this page. I took a little break. To be honest I chose a path that had me spiraling toward the opposite direction. It all worked out for my good as He has promised, but my life is hardly perfect.

It’s very hard to believe everything the bible says about our life sometimes. I understand that the bible doesn’t promise a perfect happy life, but I don’t remember a part where it says I have to drown in darkness and pain for months, come out out triumphant only to be thrown back deeper. I walk around life with joy, gladness, a smile permanently plastered on my face, but my heart is far from what the world perceives my life to be.

I am grateful for the life I have been given. Grateful for person I am, I am not complaining. I just wish I could be filled with exuberance.

I want my heart to dance.

joyofthelord

Scripture for the week

Be loving to one another, stay faithful. Be sober minded and be alert, do not let yourself forget what side you’re on. This is all for a season and when it all ends, the moments we thought we couldn’t live without will be pointless. Our whole life will be like a drop in an ocean. We must therefore stay focused. Show grace, show mercy, love with everything you are, for that is His will for us.

For you are all children of light, children of the day. We are not of the night or of the darkness. So then let us not sleep, as others do, but let us keep awake and be sober. For those who sleep, sleep at night, and those who get drunk, are drunk at night. But since we belong to the day, let us be sober, having put on the breastplate of faith and love, and for a helmet the hope of salvation. For God has not destined us for wrath, but to obtain salvation through our Lord Jesus Christ, who died for us so that whether we are awake or asleep we might live with him. Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing.

(1 Thessalonians 5:5-11 ESV)

Mid week inspiration

I read this on the Christian Living For today and was really inspired by it. Sadly they don’t have a share button for WordPress so had to copy it, I take no credit for it. If you like this, you can go to their website and check out their other posts.

God’s Powerful message to hurting women – I can heal you! by Robert
The number one question that people ask of God is why He allows suffering to come to them. This question has caused more than one pause for minister and layperson alike.

As a woman, it can seem like your suffering has gone unnoticed. After all, women are the keepers of the earth and home. You look after your families much like the woman mentioned in Proverbs 31. You don’t clothe them with scarlet but you do pray for them and that covers them with the blood of Jesus Christ.

Unfortunately, when it comes to dealing with your own pain and hurt, there seems to be no one there for you. Maybe your heart is broken over a divorce. It could be that someone has brutalized you physically or mentally. You have learned to hide your pain and go on for the sake of the kids or for your livelihood. After all, the bills don’t stop coming because we are hurt.

Even at church on Sunday, you greet others with a smile that hides deep suffering inside. But how far can that really get you? Some women feel that there is strength in pain. The truth is that there is strength but not  that way.

When the hurt is that great, even your soul aches. In this life, it seems quite unfair that the deeds of the guilty can go unpunished. The only way that you see to stay in the “game of life” is to deny your pain and thus, a big part of yourself.

God wants you to know right now that  just will not do. Did you know that His heart is broken when your heart is broken? If Jesus wept for Lazarus in his death, he is surely weeping at the feet of the Almighty for your life. John 3:16 tells us that God loved every human being so much that He sent His only son, Jesus, to be a living sacrifice for us once and for all time. Does that sound like a God who doesn’t want your hurt to be healed?

God stands ready at the door of your heart to come in and change your life. There is one thing that you need to know: God is not like any man, woman or child that you have ever met. Even the most loving person in your life will let you down. It may not be their intention but it is human nature. God is not a man. He will never lie to you or make a promise to you that He doesn’t intend to keep. It’s time for you to hear God’s message of healing for your life.

Read the following verses:

The faithful love of the Lord never ends!
His mercies never cease.
23Great is his faithfulness;
his mercies begin afresh each morning.

-Lamentations 3:22-23

God desires to sustain you with His love. It is an everlasting love that no man or woman can understand. You have to accept it on faith. Remember the faith you had as a child? That same childlike faith is what God works through to heal your heart, mind and soul.

This is not just a promise for the believer but the non-believer as well. It is human nature to hold onto pain and try to rationalize how you feel about it. God says to cast the burden of that hurt on Him. Pray right now, wherever you are for God to heal every part of you from the pain that you are experiencing. Let Him be your strength.

Awe

I keep messing up. Unintentionally and intentionally.
I keep choosing the darkness over the light. With complete knowledge of what my actions are.
I am constantly  failing Him, but still He remains faithful. I am humbled by the love He has for us.

Stopping by to say hi.. :)

I figured I should write something for the sake of my “I promise to write more post” I wrote not so long ago. I could give a list of excuses for why I haven’t posted more, but I really don’t have any. The truth is in the last couple of posts I have made. I just haven’t been  there spiritually, and in my journey to getting to that good place I haven’t really had any good or positive things to say. I really don’t want to be the one throwing negativity and darkness online because we have enough of that already, plus I’ve lived that life and I prefer to stay away from “that” person I once was. So I’m getting back to the okay place,  and I pray that God gives me the strength to move, and grow in my spiritual and physical life. Until then, I can’t promise regular, daily posts, once a week is more likely. So again, I’m really sorry for my diminished presence online, but I assure you it’s all going to work for my good. And I’m getting there for sure!!!

Hope everyone is doing okay.

I’m adding this video of a song I really love and blesses me. Jesus Culture are really fantastic, if you haven’t listened to their stuff you should check them out.

 

Oh Lord, You’re beautiful by Jesus Culture

and the verse for today is,

    But by the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace toward me was not in vain. On the contrary, I worked harder than any of them, though it was not I, but the grace of God that is with me.
(1 Corinthians 15:10 ESV)

Forgiven

I let myself slip, I let myself stumble.

With everything that’s been happening in my life, I just let go. I can’t really give any excuses because I know my choices are what matter most in my life and I made the wrong ones. Don’t get me wrong, I am not beating myself up or feeling sorry for myself. I just know a lot more was expected of me. I expected more from myself and I just didn’t deliver. People are always talking about Go’s grace like it’s supposed to okay our sinful nature. Constantly trying to grey the black and white to suit or needs when the truth is clearly written. God expects a lot from us. Yes, He ha this amazing grace that covers us, but we should also remember that He sees our hearts and knows our intentions. We can go around acting like we don’t know when we clearly know what is right and what is wrong.

I hear a lot of people talking about, “only God can judge me” like He’s not going to. Do we really know the meaning of that? Do we really understand the implication of God’s judgement? He is an amazing God that forgives, and understands our weaknesses but our weaknesses cannot be our excuse to act as we please.

What shall we say then? Are we to continue in sin that grace may abound? By no means! How can we who died to sin still live in it? Do you not know that all of us who have been baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death? We were buried therefore with him by baptism into death, in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father, we too might walk in newness of life.
(Romans 6:1-4 ESV)

He knows us better than we could ever know ourselves, and loves us with an everlasting love. We can not misuse or abuse that love by being dishonest with ourselves. Try, try, try again to do right. No matter how many times you fail don’t quit trying. Do NOT be fooled to think that you can do whatever you wish and it will all be okay. Do not be fooled to live a life less than the one intended for you. I have fallen a couple of times, but I repent, I pick myself up and I try again. Life is short, the temptations will end and when it’s all over I refuse to be found on the wrong side.

What about you? Will you give up? Will you choose to give in to temptations that only give short term gratification? Or will you choose life? We can’t have both. So what is it going to be? You have to choose. Every single day, every moment of your life is a choice you’ve made. So choose. He’s waiting for you to.

Midweek confessions

What’s the one thing that you have learned this year?

I’ve been trying to be open minded and humble enough to try new things and it’s been quite a challenge. Every time I think I got the humility thing down, something happens and my pride shows itself, loud and proud. Being humble is hard. I am irked by a lot of things too nowadays, but the one one thing I’m disappointed about is my reactions to situations after my pride reveals itself. My lack of patience and compassion(in some cases) has been really shocking to me. It’s hard being nice. Just when I thought I had it all together, when I thought I was on that good path,  I let it all just fall apart for the sake of my pride.

The fear of the LORD is hatred of evil.
Pride and arrogance and the way of evil
and perverted speech I hate.
(Proverbs 8:13 ESV)

I’ve prayed about humility for a long time, and I will admit I’ve made progress but I find myself in situations that really make me wonder who on earth I think I am. Pride, is a sign of self importance. A form of selfishness, and conceitedness. So here I am, thinking that I deserve more because of bluh, bluh, bluh, when in reality I deserve absolutely nothing. Being impatient towards someone when they mess up, when I mess up all the time. It’s insane, it makes me really sad that I still have to struggle with that today, but I have learnt that I can either chose to be impatient and curse under my breath or, I can count to 10 and not react until my head is on straight. It’s not easy, but I am trying. Praying for humilty in all I do, it’s hard like I said but I know eventually I will overcome.

For all that is in the world—the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride of life—is not from the Father but is from the world.

(1 John 2:16 ESV)

My  lesson is, I am still very far from where I should be. I need my heart to be pure, and sincere. To love and give grace without questioning or seeking validation. I want to be joyful in my heart, I want be like Christ from the inside out. I am learning to be humble each day, in each moment because that’s the only way I learn. That’s the only way I grow.

 

And he said, “What comes out of a person is what defiles him. For from within, out of the heart of man, come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, coveting, wickedness, deceit, sensuality, envy, slander, pride, foolishness.
(Mark 7:20-22 ESV)

What’s your lesson for the year? What have you been struggling with?

So loved..

Christ loves you.

By this we know love, that he laid down his life for us, and we ought to lay down our lives for the brothers.

(1 John 3:16 ESV)

Why is it so easy to forget?

A love so deep, so sincere, so unconditional.


We live reckless lives, in search of fulfillment. In search of something to fill the void.

Waste our whole life, looking for love. When we’ve had it all along.

Searching for truth, when we have it right in front of us.

We choose to be blinded by things, by people, by the world.

When the way is actually brightly lit by this amazing God, for us to follow.

Yes, the world seems sweet.

The temptations are plenty but knowing all we know, how can we turn away from His light?

Knowing how short life is, how can we waste a second of it on moments of earthly pleasures?

I’m yet to understand it. I am constantly losing focus.

Constantly in need of His reminders.

I will never understand why He chose me, in this moment of time.

Or what His end plan for me is. All I know is, I live for Him.

My flesh may be weak but He chose me and He will not let me slip away if I am clinging on Him.

Being human makes no sense most of the time, but God has it all together. With all our short comings, and our weaknesses. He has it all sorted. Though we may forget His love, He doesn’t forget to love us. How can He love us in spite of all that? I don’t know, I don’t understand but, He does. Let go, of all of that self pity/self loathing for the times you let Him down. He already knows it all. And yes, He still loves you. He loves us. You can’t really love Him when you keep thinking about the past or your the times you fail Him. So let go, and believe He loves you. If you trust Him, He will make you stronger. In our lowest, He is strong.

You are so loved, believe it and live like you know it.

but whoever keeps his word, in him truly the love of God is perfected. By this we may know that we are in him:
(1 John 2:5 ESV)

Thank You God!

There is so much I could say, but there’s is nothing that can really express how grateful I am to God for who I am. For the fact that I am alive today, for family, for being loved, for being healthy, for everything. There is absolutely nothing trivial, because I deserve nothing yet He has given me so much. He has chosen to love me despite of my foolishness and my sinful nature. I am so grateful. I am humbled by our God. He is a great God.

 

 

I thank him who has given me strength, Christ Jesus our Lord, because he judged me faithful, appointing me to his service, though formerly I was a blasphemer, persecutor, and insolent opponent. But I received mercy because I had acted ignorantly in unbelief, and the grace of our Lord overflowed for me with the faith and love that are in Christ Jesus. The saying is trustworthy and deserving of full acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, of whom I am the foremost. But I received mercy for this reason, that in me, as the foremost, Jesus Christ might display his perfect patience as an example to those who were to believe in him for eternal life. To the King of the ages, immortal, invisible, the only God, be honor and glory forever and ever. Amen.

(1 Timothy 1:12-17 ESV)